Monthly Archives: March 2008

Geminis and…

A friend and I performed an autopsy on our birth charts last night. Interesting stuff. I’m going to delve into this for my children to help me better understand what makes them tick. They are both Geminis, birthdays exactly two weeks apart and neither one an annoying person “on the cusp”.

But they are completely different on many fronts. KD (almost seven) is a quick thinker, likes to keep the peace, has a very rational mind and not prone to expressing his inner most feelings, publicly or privately.

JB (almost five) rants, raves, explodes and covers his emotions with humour…hmmm sounds like someone in my mirror. Unlike his brother though, who seems to side-step emotional stuff, JB absorbs it and it surfaces during the quiet times. This past Saturday at the museum, an Osprey exhibit (the Osprey is Nova Scotia’s provincial bird) included a male and female Osprey waked under glass. Their little legs were crossed and pins held their beaks back.

At one point I spotted JB hanging around the exhibit, staring intently at their faces. That night in bed he choked out his thoughts, “remember those birds at the museum? That was sad. How did they die?”

Don’t get me wrong, KD is no cold fish. He is warm, loving and affectionate, he simply diverts himself from troubling emotions. Last summer when their paternal grandmother was sick, KD’s reaction was to say, “everything will be ok.” Whereas, JB wanted us to hold hands and pray for her and he sobbed himself to sleep with worry.

With a pretty clear understanding of who I am, it’s time to start focusing on my kids. I likely won’t share my findings with them as I don’t want to peg them into neat planetary compartments that create limitations in their minds.

I believe we are impacted by the stars but our thoughts and intentions can bump them out of orbit to create the life we want.


Say something funny before I lay down tonight

The past few weeks have taken me on a pretty sweet ride and I want to acknowledge that I’ve had some help along the way. Many people in this blogosphere and those peddling their soulful wares online have taken me someplace new. A place where I dared not tread before. The sweet smell of confidence is my perfume and I’m grateful to those who churn away day in and day out to bring forth their truths and share their lives and learnings. I’m tickled that I’ve come this far in such a short time. Only six months ago I was lost in despair, desperate to understand the meaning behind everything and completely attached to things out of my control. Now, I’m content, relaxed enough to enjoy the universe with all is subtleties, nuances and suprises.

Yet, I still yell at my kids. Why is this? They haven’t done anything wrong. I need a mantra to repeat when I’m losing my patience so they can be spared the confusion of someone they love flinging such nonsense at them. What I’m doing to them strips me bare. I’m aware, yet not able to command myself to breathe through it. I took six breaks this morning, at least, to separate myself from them. I know they are kids and kids don’t always listen. I know they respond better to whispers. I know they love me and I love them unconditionally. What they do isn’t the end of the world, but it has a disrespectful element that irks me to the point of ire. Logically, I know it will pass. I know they test me, that’s their job and they are good at it. I hate failing the test.

An affirmation brought me something wonderful. Perhaps a new one will bring me more patience with my children.

“I am a patient mother. I offer love and respect and receive it in return. Our home is a happy one.”

That should do it. I’ll let you know how I do.


Purpose

Telling the truth to myself
seeing the sun shine again
feeling a sense of meaning
within the communion

Washing the soul with light
feeding the powerful beast
finding comfort in hope
and dreams of his hand in mine

Looking forward, never back
except to examine the path
absorbing myself in the future
releasing the pain of the past

Surely life is my creation
my thoughts build a castle of stone
safe inside I slumber
not feeling the sting of the cold

Rain may come and flood me
but sun will surely shine
leaving me only refreshed
a speck in the absense of time

Imagined or real
it’s the same to the soul
purpose carried by dreams
to free the ego of shame


Bedtime Stories have arrived

I was the lucky winner in one of Susan’s February draws. My booty arrived on Thursday and is sitting gently bedside. Sadly, I’ll be reading silently tonight.  I skimmed it briefly and me thinks it will bring lots to smile about. I’ll be back to let you know all about it. Thanks Susan and UPS.

The boys and I visited the Museum today. Headed out in a snow storm, against my better judgement. We enjoyed the Polar Bear exhibit, igloo, the Trace Fossils Mystery and, of course, Gus, Gus the Gopher Tortoise. Having worked at the museum for two years, it was nice to be back and I ran into some former colleagues. The Trace Fossils Mystery exhibit reminded me of my friend Deb, the Curator of Geology at the Museum. Deb and Zoom looked after Mandy this summer and she adapted Mandy into new routines that I thought were unreachable. A woman of many talents, whom I’m very grateful to. Hope you’re doing well Deb! I think of you often.

After the gift shop, we headed for home. I put our packages in the front seat along with my purse and keys. For some reason, when I closed the door, it locked. So, here we are, fort knox for a car and driving snow accumulating fast. Fortunately, my cell phone was in my pocket so a quick call to Dad set the wheels in motion, so to speak. An hour and a half later, we were on our way, gingerly making our way home. We did fine until we reached the driveway. I skidded coming in so thought I would try again, and again, and again. Then backwards, and again and again. Finally, I parked it just shy of the street. “The first one was the best Mom,” KD piped. “I know honey and I’m sorry for swearing so much.”

I’ve said it before:  sometimes your ex can still be your best friend…and today proved it once again.


Dazed

Screaming wildly at the night
Silently my voice ripples
Only the soul feels my pain
Only the darkness sees me

Lost hunting, wondering
Prey falls before me
Lapping up the hope
Giving way to hunger

Yesterday tickles the old soul
Replaying dreams forgotten 
Lives lived a thousand times
To harvest this moment