Daily Archives: March 3, 2008

Say something funny before I lay down tonight

The past few weeks have taken me on a pretty sweet ride and I want to acknowledge that I’ve had some help along the way. Many people in this blogosphere and those peddling their soulful wares online have taken me someplace new. A place where I dared not tread before. The sweet smell of confidence is my perfume and I’m grateful to those who churn away day in and day out to bring forth their truths and share their lives and learnings. I’m tickled that I’ve come this far in such a short time. Only six months ago I was lost in despair, desperate to understand the meaning behind everything and completely attached to things out of my control. Now, I’m content, relaxed enough to enjoy the universe with all is subtleties, nuances and suprises.

Yet, I still yell at my kids. Why is this? They haven’t done anything wrong. I need a mantra to repeat when I’m losing my patience so they can be spared the confusion of someone they love flinging such nonsense at them. What I’m doing to them strips me bare. I’m aware, yet not able to command myself to breathe through it. I took six breaks this morning, at least, to separate myself from them. I know they are kids and kids don’t always listen. I know they respond better to whispers. I know they love me and I love them unconditionally. What they do isn’t the end of the world, but it has a disrespectful element that irks me to the point of ire. Logically, I know it will pass. I know they test me, that’s their job and they are good at it. I hate failing the test.

An affirmation brought me something wonderful. Perhaps a new one will bring me more patience with my children.

“I am a patient mother. I offer love and respect and receive it in return. Our home is a happy one.”

That should do it. I’ll let you know how I do.

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Purpose

Telling the truth to myself
seeing the sun shine again
feeling a sense of meaning
within the communion

Washing the soul with light
feeding the powerful beast
finding comfort in hope
and dreams of his hand in mine

Looking forward, never back
except to examine the path
absorbing myself in the future
releasing the pain of the past

Surely life is my creation
my thoughts build a castle of stone
safe inside I slumber
not feeling the sting of the cold

Rain may come and flood me
but sun will surely shine
leaving me only refreshed
a speck in the absense of time

Imagined or real
it’s the same to the soul
purpose carried by dreams
to free the ego of shame