Monthly Archives: April 2008

The Scorpion

Last week in yoga class I attempted to do a headstand from crow but couldn’t get my legs off my arms and all week my core muscles reminded me of it.  Last night I was able to clumsily lift my legs into the air for a millisecond and then on a second attempt, I actually did it against the wall, without an assist. I felt courageous and confident during relaxation and beyond. 

The next goal is Scorpion, which looks something like this. I’ve already tried the interim step, forearm stand, with an assist against the wall and failed miserably, because I started with my head on the floor and was unable to lift back up. Plus, I wasn’t quite sure I knew what I was trying to accomplish, but trusted my yoga instructor enough (and the fact that I am a Scorpio) to offer myself as the demo. I think I scared everyone with my screams of, “no, nO, NO”.

But last night my partner and I high-fived our success. I guess it is true that if you step outside of your expectations and resistance, you can accomplish more than you ever dreamed possible. I’m going to do a headstand now, just for fun. If I don’t come back, call 911.

 


Courage

Feeling overwhelmed
with hope and thoughts of more
finding every bit of me
knocking at the door

Down for the strum
into night’s pain
feeling water cleanse
and drying me insane

What, whatever, what for
when, whenever, wherefore
truth is present in itself
silent voices close the door

Waiting for something
waiting for time
wanting even more of me
fighting the sublime


Attraction

Yesterday I was thinking how awful it would be if my laptop crashed and I lost all my data. Tonight, it did. I’m going to take it in tomorrow to see if I can recover the lost pixels of my life.

Tonight as I snuggled with KD and JB brushed his teeth for what seemed like hours, I thought how awful it would be if he made a mess in the bathroom. He did. Filled an empty Kleenex box with water and it ran right through all three drawers. I lost it and KD called his dad because he was scared. I was scared too. Poor JB tried to help clean up but I just kept tellling him to go to bed.

 When I went in to kiss him goodnight I told him I love him but I didn’t like what he did. He was sound asleep, but nodded that he understood. I hope he doesn’t dream that I have fangs and horns tonight. He had already told me earlier that he hated me and that daddy takes better care of them. All this after a full day of bike rides, trampolines, ice-cream, street hockey, brunch and a nice dinner.

I hope I haven’t thought about any other horrible things lately, seems the universe is on warp-speed.

Now I’m enjoying my sparkling clean bathroom vanity drawers and looking forward to a faster hard drive.

I didn’t check under the sink…no…don’t go there Heather. I’m sure it’s fine. Fuck, now I’m writing to myself.

 


Toasted

Watching the kids play in the empty lot behind my house, I decided to finish the spring yard raking and donned my baby-blue gloves to scrape up what’s left of Mandy’s winter elimination along with the misguided leaves from last fall’s cleansing. It feels good to take care of your property. Something sprouts from within, perhaps pride.

The boys tottled back home when they spotted me working and JB immediately wanted to help but only if he could use my rake, which left me with a plastic two foot lawn tool not much good for anything but scooping up the debris. Butterscotch, a neighbourhood cat came to my rescue and relieved me of toiling with the indequacies of a child’s toy.

My meditation turned to thoughts of a condominium where yardwork and maintenance are nevermore. But quickly a vision of the kids with no place to play entered in and zapped the reality of carefree homeownership. This is my home and my intentions are set to create a more beautiful atmosphere, especially in the backyard.

Once inside the kids began their cross-eyed nightime ritual of button pushing and steadfast reluctance to mom’s way. JB’s rant went something like:

(JB sobbing) “I want a bedtime snack.”
(Mom) “Ok. Your brother is having crackers with peanut butter and banana. I’ll make you some.”
(JB sobbing louder) “I don’t want that. Don’t you know I want pancakes?”
(Mom) “I’m not able to make pancakes tonight. Another time.”
(JB sobbing) “Then I want a peanut butter sandwich. But I want to help. I want to put the bread in the toaster.”
(Mom) “Go brush your teeth then come down and you can put the bread in.”
(JB sobbing hysterically) “But I don’t want it toasted.”
(Mom silently walks away)

It’s times like these I wish I had someone here with me to backstop the foolishness. Divide and conquer. One on one, even the playing field a bit. I’m sure there would be more humour and less frustration if the odds weren’t stacked against me.

Someone to help with the yardwork would be nice too.


What’s in a label?

So, the other week I purchased a new dress and it hangs eloquently in my closet waiting for just the right occasion. I showed it off to JB this morning and he responded with the sincerity of a four year old. “Wow, that’s pretty Mommy. You’ll look just like a cow.”

Here it is. 

Continue reading


Yesterday

Slowly I move toward the truth
lingering ever so slightly in despair
finding strength in conscious thought
and inward love of self

Oh how I long to reach the point
where yesterdays are gone
and the future begins this moment
to birth a new tomorrow

Holding memories for warmth
listening to the flow of life
feeling the tug of hope
to be surrounded by love again

Blessed are the moments
we reach for every one
to mean something more
than yesterday’s pain

 


Emotional Freedom Technique

About seven years ago I was introduced to an alternative therapy for freeing yourself of dangerous emotional stress. EFT is an easy way to remove negative thinking patterns that create dis-comfort and dis-ease in your body.

Developed by Gary Craig, it is based on chinese accupuncture but without the needles. The basic approach involves examining the painful memories or thoughts that are causing you emotional or physical pain, accepting yourself and then tapping in a series of locations that re-ignite specific meridiens in your body.

The instant reward is renewed balance and the loss of any heavy-hearted feelings that are keeping you stuck in the past. The pattern is easy to follow and can be used for anything from daily aggravations to serious disease and illness. It’s been known to cure people of chronic pain where nothing else has been effective.

Tapping helps me release attachment to outcomes beyond my control and moves me to a place where I am not afraid to achieve the life I want. You can learn more at the website.  I’m using it for a number of things: hypothyrodism, smoking, emotional eating and remaining focused on the future, free of doubt.  

The amazing part is that all the information is free. Gary Craig makes his research and learnings available online for everyone. I have a little crush on him. Watch the video, I’m sure you’ll see why. 

Amid powerful healing claims, it remains outside of mainstream. This is likely due to its free disclosure, making mass marketing attempts unprofitable. Awareness of EFT thrives on “enlightened marketing” to reach those in need. 

Consider yourself enlightened.


Random acts of thinking…

Why is it when you stop wanting something it lands in your lap? The universe must be on dial-up.

When did I ever say I wanted to be someone’s queen? I didn’t. But, it might be fun.

A mess was created the other day and while I was trying to sort it out, everyone else involved was adding to the shit pile. Sometimes complications arise not from your own mis-intention, but the energy of others’ who thrive on controversy and drama.

Me, I’m a drama-less queen.

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WordPress has updated it’s interface and Dashboard. What a nice surprise today. I like it. Highly usable and everything I use the most is right up front. Wish I could take some credit for the re-design. Perhaps I did if they were watching me use my site.

One possible exception is the category box being below the post. I liked it in the right nav.


Premiere delayed

Well, seems I promised video would be released on April 4. I’m sorry to say it remains locked away in my computer which was out of service most of this week. The new release date is TBD, pending re-installation of pertinent software.

My good friend and faithful commenter Susan over at One Woman Show, recently recommended the book, “If the Buddha dated” by Charlotte Kasl. I just tonight reached the passage she teased me with. A while back I was looking for a zen response to the book, “He’s just not that into you” and I came up with one inspired by my family doctor, who happens to be Buddhist.

I remember at the time doing a Google search for Buddhist dating and other related keyword phrases and not finding anything about this handy little book in a series of “If Buddha” themes. I’m examining that disappointing Google result as my path at the time and seeing value in the lessons I’ve learned on my way to this moment. Something is different. I like it.

I’ve done a lot of research and learning about relationships and the differences between Men and Woman, but my soul feels more at home when I’m focused on how similar we are.

So far the book talks about men and women being the same energy seeking to connect and reveal itself to another. What’s in the way are the societal and cultural layers that tell us we are so different. The author goes straight at John Gray, (Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus). The shift in thinking here is not to focus on the differences and somehow get around them to snag a partner, but search for the genuine equality a truly soulful connection generates.

Sounds more rewarding than wrangling someone into thinking you’re cool because you know all the right words and moves and then tiringly wearing that mask while studying your lines for the next act.

The ego, however, is ultimately weeker than the soul and eventually the mask comes off. Someone farts, the sex is messy, they slurp, have a booger, look terrible in red, are needy and emotional.

At this point you often find yourself alone, but there you stand; yourself, nothing more, nothing less—the perfect place to start again.