Suddenly I feel like a piece of dirt. Not in a bad way, but ready to be the soil for something beautiful to grow through.
This month two relationships ended for me. One was a bit perplexing to my soul, not exactly an enigma, but all aglitter and then fizzled out like a sparkler— nice while it lasted but not destined to burn forever. The other gnawed at me for eons and I’m finally strong enough to move on, realizing there is no hope for anything more than a heartache at the end of each day.
What’s really bringing me down is something I have to come to terms with and it’s breaking me apart. Jimmie is too big for me. He’s too hard for me to hold. Roger let me play his vintage small body last week and I felt the difference. It was easier and I was better able to get in the groove, be myself.
So now I’m sad when I play the guitar. I’m genuinely sad. Jimmie has given me so much over the past 7 months. He’ll always be the first and the first chord is the deepest.
But like many relationships it basically comes down to money in the end, so Jimmie will stay around for a while and I’ll likely never part with him. Who knows, maybe we’ll find our groove and the size won’t matter any more.
With greater wisdom, I’m sure my next relationship will be easier to hold too.