Category Archives: Motherly Love

How to repair a toilet…

This weekend KD, JB and I took down the wallpaper in the powder room. The paper had been there since I moved in over 10 years ago. It was nice, I guess, but it had to go. I need to take back my mansion and begin renos that inspire me to entertain. The next to go is the lace and topper on my front door…also left by the previous owner, who luckily for me, had pretty good taste…10 years ago.

So the boys helped all day on Saturday. JB took the first shift while KD played on Webkinz. Not that I want child labour after me, but for a four year old, he put in a solid two hours and worked hard to do a good job. Not once did he display the usual JB drama he’s so famous for. While I was cleaning up after lunch they both went in and started working. JB dropped out in favour of finding his Diago shorts and t-shirt, but KD hung in there and we made some real progress before his afternoon playdate.

JB and I went to the paint store to look at colour chips. Isn’t it funny how in the absence of toys, kids will find anything appealing, especially soft paint rollers, wallpaper books and new paint brushes. Is it just my kids that think they must leave every store with something? A quick trip to HomeSense nearly ended in disaster when JB decided he wanted to touch all the carefully placed glassware. The young store clerk stood paralyzed with fear. He started to meltdown when I told him we’d have to go, but then I gently took his hand and whispered, “Mommy went to the wrong store, this isn’t the one with all the good toys.”

There’s this fish and chip spot near me called, Freddie’s Fantastic Fish House. We had it Friday night and the kids wanted it again on Saturday. Lips bigger than their bellies and my weekend diet has now consisted mainly of FFFH morsals, save for my toasted tomato and avacado sandwich for breakfast.

After supper the boys played “nicely” on the computer while I continued to strip the paper and JB returned for a second shift. Luckily they were both off duty when water hit the lightbulb and it blew apart all over the bathroom.

This morning I finished removing the rest of the wallpaper…all but behind the toilet.  I was sure there must be a way to get the tank off so I googled it and found this video. I’ll let you know how I do. Actually, I could use some new toilet gear, but for now I just need it out of the way so I can celebrate with a cold corono, the last piece of fish and 60 minutes of yogalates.


Disappointed Mom

Today my kids decided they wanted Gameboys instead of a Wii for Christmas. I begged them to change their minds. But they also want a guitar and a set of drums, so that’s exciting. I hope they aren’t the worst gifts I ever wanted them to have, like their bunkbeds. Which seem like such a normal, fun thing for two brothers to share, until I have to change the sheets in the middle of the night without waking the dry one.

Today they were discussing girls. KD was looking at JB’s valentines from last year. “This one is from Jessica. Look, she put love and kisses and hugs. Is she still at you at school?” Note to self: don’t be “at” anyone.

“I’m throwing away all these valentines from girls, but not Olivia’s cause she’s my favourite girl,” JB responded. At which point I interjected with, “Don’t set your heart on just one girl cause it will get broken too easy. You’ll meet plenty of favourite girls in your lifetime.” Great. Now I’m raising players.

“Don’t worry Mom, he can’t read and I’m not telling him which ones are from girls,” said KD.


And then I heard them say…

“Daddy doesn’t have money for the treat machines, but Mommy does. Go ask her.”

“Sorry the floor is wet, Mommy. I was trying to pee in that plastic jug. I missed a couple times.”

“God is Jesus’ Dad.”

“Mommy, I love you. Stop squeezing me so hard.”

“If you don’t let me do whatever I want, I’m never listening to you again.” [Really? I guess that’s what I get for the “If you don’t…then you won’t…” parenting]


Full

I found this while I was exporting my blog. I don’t know why I didn’t finish it. The kids must have been calling: 

I haven’t had a moment
to dwell upon the past
don’t feel the tug of loss 
when putting myself last.

I’m focused on the fun
and winding up the clock
feeding laughs and giggles
with hugs and stinky socks.

Two days of just a mommy
two days of total bliss
I’ll be me first another day
to wait for their next kiss.


Soulful ride

I haven’t worn any jewellery for months, but Justin picked out a pair of earings for me to wear today, so I did. I wore them as I ripped up the carpet on my back deck–I finally got tired of looking at it. Even with the chipped paint, it’s still an improvement. My hands took a beating. I have a blister on my thumb to match the dozens on my feet and the calouses on my left finger tips. Sounds like I’m in hard shape, but it’s barely noticeable, I hope. It felt good to take care of things around the house. This summer has been busy. I started off like fireworks on the July weekend, painting the outside of my fence, my front porch, and keeping the dandelions in check. But the days got away from me. My lawn is full of weeds and the bushes in front are in need of shaping. I trimmed them a bit yesterday, but my sheers are quite dull, so it’s a hack job at best.

Does it really matter? Brian’s Mom is back in ICU. She has a blood clot in her neck and they don’t really know what’s going on with her. She may need surgery again. What can I do but pray and hope for the best? Maybe I should have went to church today so I’d be a little closer to God’s ear, if that’s possible.  It’s depressing really, seeing a family in so much pain and so absorbed in worry about someone they love so much. Really adds perspective to your day.

Friday night on the way to Mom’s house Korey asked me how the bones come out of a body when someone dies. I told him they don’t, the skin melts away over time and leaves the bones behind.

“Do they take the bones out before they bury you?”

“No, they bury you with the bones.”

“Then how do you get to heaven?”

“Well, this is important, so listen up. Your soul is in your body. Your body stays on earth and your soul goes to heaven. Then it may come back in another body someday.”

“What is a soul?”

“Your soul is what makes you you. How you feel about things. How you look at life. What makes you happy. What makes you sad. Everything about you comes from your soul. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.”


Something about the wind

I’m filled with happy for the moments in the sunshine with the cool breezes seeping into each breath. There is life in those whistles that blow through the trees. Never before has everything seemed so clear and intrepidly purposeful.

My children and I went to the races yesterday. They were ready to come home after the time trials, but we stuck it out. The cars were too noisy at first, but the earplugs too distracting to be comfortable. They played in the dirt and kicked rocks inside my sandals till I thought I would come unglued. We separated them countless times only to have them wash ashore to hug and kiss and then punch and shove. Hotdogs, onion rings and snacks filled their tummies and by the time the main feature was underway they were pooped enough to enjoy it. Korey watched our guy closely, cheering him on. What number again Mommy? Did someone pass us?

Justin fell asleep on my lap and Korey sprawled out on the bleachers ready to snooze. It was time to go at the half-way mark. They slept in their dusty clothes and skin leaving an outline on their bedsheets which are now clean. The ring around my bathtub tells the tale of two happy little boys. They are spic and span for Daddy to enjoy for four nights before he leaves for the big race in Louden and the boys and I will be a family for a whole week.

Sleep is a priority for me now as I ramp up for single parenthood without relief. I yelled at them today to clean up and stop being savages. I always feel bad when I do that. I want them to remember their mother as someone who never raised her voice, but it’s too late for that. As long as they remember that I love them oodles and oodles without end, that will be enough.

Mandy and I are family now, heading to the beach for a stroll along the water’s edge. Life is full of possibilities, I wonder what’s in store for us.


Mistaken Identity

Momma, I love you. I love you and Mandy and Daddy, but not Korey. I don’t like him and I don’t love him.

Oh, I’m sure you love your brother.

No, I don’t. And, I love Kristen too, cause she’s in my family when I’m at Daddy’s.

(breathe)

I’m glad you love Kristin.

Why?

Because she loves you.

Mommy, sometimes I think Kristen is my Mommy.

(breathe)

Do you call her Mommy?

Yesh.

Then what do you say?

Oopsie!

You know who your Mommy is, right?

(snuggle, hug, squishy nose)

Yesh, you’re my Mommy.

Good night sweetheart.

Cuddle me Momma.

Ok.

(Smile)


Searching in the darkness

I finally fixed the boys’ computer. Won’t they be excited. I’m tempted to save it for a special day. I remember the battles over “switch loads” and  Justin is on my name.

But I don’t have that game on my name.

I don’t care, switch load now! <smack> <cry> <smack back> <punch> <cries>

I remember too well.

They cried tonight when I left their Dad’s. They wanted me to stay for a sleepover. They don’t understand. Justin, she’s just going to get her jammies, let her go.

<heart breaking>

I bet they are asleep by now. All clean after their showers, snuggled in their beds dreaming of computer games and internet connections that work again.

I so love making their dreams come true. 


Fortunes at bay

My to-do list at work is an entire page long. Some items are quick fixes, 5 minute things really that will likely open up a can of worms and take 3 days to untangle. Such is life working in a complex environment. I’ll roll with it, 7 hours at a time. I’m sure it’s not unique so I’m not looking for sympathy.

I picked the kids up and rushed to return a blouse before the shop closed. We made it. I found what I was looking for and the kids bought decorations for their dawgs. Jibbits or something. I don’t know. The shop owner took pity on me and gave us a good deal. Still, I had to put some back. Guess what. I put back the wrong ones. Tears flooded the dinner table as they divided up their spoils and a huge fight ensued over plastic cherries. WTF? Korey ended up letting Justin have them, after he socked him good in the stomach and Justin took his dinner outside on the front porch.

I found his dinner plate outside but he was no where in sight. I panicked and yelled for him. I could here a faint, “I’m done” but couldn’t tell the direction. He was safe and sound in the bathroom waiting for me.

Last night was chocolate. A full glass of milk swung at Korey from a distance. A damp shirt, chocolate floors and walls. I made Justin clean it up. I could smell it all night and at 11:00 was on my hands and knees with the windex, polishing my laminate and getting rid of the sour cow. It wasn’t pleasant but it’s gone now and so is the moment I wish I had handled better.

Tonight we went to see the new puppy, Miss Pickle. A sweet little beagle who undid my shoelace and played tug of war with me. The kids enjoy her and she sits patiently in my arms for neck rubs until something catches her eye and my hands become her favourite chew toy. Brings back memories of Mandy as a puppy.

My sister lost her kitten. Mini-me was only 16 weeks old. Now the mother cat is sick too. The vet thought it may be distemper. That’s scary. I’m not sure how much more my sister can take, her life is so messed up. She’s strong but could  desperately use a break and have something go right for a change. Bad karma I tell her. The drama is more than I can handle from a distance and she’s smack dab in the middle of it. I wish I could do more. I hope my love and support is enough.

Here’s my writing meditation for the day:

Sit and wait patiently. Life will bring you your rewards one moment at a time. Blessings are all around you and as you let them in you find yourself smiling. Not the fake, I’m ok smile. Real deep smiles that bend your cheeks till they hurt and leave lines around your eyes so everyone can see your blessings.

I had a lucid dream last night. It was very scary. I’m still trying to determine what it meant. I’m almost afraid to go to sleep. I hope tonight’s story is sweeter, gentler and shows me the way.


Save it for another day

This weekend the boys and I went to the countryhouse. Sounds upitty, but it’s not. My great-nephew called it the “countryhouse” so it stuck. It’s fitting. It’s not a cottage, it’s a house, in the country.

In the crisp clean air, seagulls play melodies all day long, competing only with passing boats and the church chimes: tender symphonies of our childhood cranked through an ancient soundsystem. At night, the waves innocently reverberate and it sounds as if something in the dark expansive fields is trying to make its way to you. Alas, the spotlight reveals nothing to be afraid of. But the deer do roam in those fields and in the morning, if you’re quiet and up before the noise, you will see them, jumping through the long grass, playing their family games. They are weindeer. I’ve seen weindeer before. Mommy, can we go to the North Pole someday? Do you know the way? Maybe you can get Santa’s phone number and ask him.

A two-night sleepover at the country. Fishing off the government wharf. Low tide and a broken fishing rod. Disappointment for a six year old who was wide-eyed. But his brother shared his rod, reluctantly with moments of panic for Mommy, who anticipates the ensuing battle and the clumbsy pushing and shoving that are part of a boy’s life. The same pushing and shoving on a Government wharf at low tide is a Mother’s nightmare. So I panicked and Laurie brought me back. Thankfully.

Saturday morning, hazy and hot, we made our way to the beach. Now let me tell you, the beach as beautiful as it is, is meant to be enjoyed at dusk or sunrise or on a moonlit night. Not in the middle of a hot and humid afternoon with no relief and three children kicking sand over everything. The sand that grinds into the sunscreen and creates cement. The beach is not my thing, really. But we went. The water was just thawed from its winter’s sleep so no swimming on the agenda. The kids found fun though, as kids always will, with their redneck shovel and makeshift pails. Korey ran into the water and tripped. He got wet then spread out his towel to sunbathe. Where did he learn that? Not from me.

We spread out a bedsheet and enjoyed the playtime between the sand fights. An old, obviously male, dog provided some excitement and beach rocks and broken shells made their way home with us.

And, tired of reading, I wrote. I wrote a story. Well the beginning of a story based on a boat I saw coming in from sea. Laurie gave me the words Sex and Tropical. I wrote only a paragraph on those, but the story took breath and away it went. How much fun was that. Me, on the beach, on a bedsheet, watching my kids, writing. Perfect with ginger snaps.

Oddly, everyone wanted to leave but me.

Once again, the kids ran amuck in the Save Easy. I’m sure they’ll post our photos there soon. Do not let these people in. The kids are wild and the mother is crazy!

They stayed in the truck with Auntie at the LC.

Three boys, six, four and three. What moments of joy they bring. Korey clearly the bigger one. The Teacher to his two students. T is beng knd of bd, read the note to his Mom. Justin is beng good, read the other. Justin and T played volleyball at recess and T wouldn’t sit in his seat. But it was so cute. Cherish these days when they want to be near us, in the house where we know they are safe, at least from outside sources, but not always from each other.

A trip to see Poppy. Open the gate, swish away the horseflies and mosquitos and the tears. Who’s this momma? I’m walking on someone right now. I’m jumpin on Poppy’s head? Go ahead, I’m sure he’d love it. Three daughters and five grandsons, four of which he never knew beyond infancy. So Momma if I lay down you can bury me? You have to be dead first Justin, piped Korey. Another stop to visit more relatives and friends committed to the earth. So many innocent questions. I learned so much.

Mommy time was required early Saturday night, but didn’t happen till way past my boiling point. If kids are tired, why won’t they go to sleep? Downward dogs, kicking, punching, reading, more light, door open, have to pee, need a drink, another pee, I love you momma, I love you momma, Korey don’t touch me. Stop touching me. I want to cuddle her. They finally made it to their dreams without me.

Fire pits, laughter, Corona and smoke. A nice combination. I promised next year I’d play the guitar. Seems the music gene skipped a generation and it’s time to claw back some tunes on Mosher’s Hill.  That is, if we can get everyone to stop laughing and eating cookies, and marshmallows and hotdogs and peanuts and dill pickle chips. I’d hate for someone to choke on a high note.

The kids always wake early at the country. A hard pill when Mommy time was enjoyed. But Sunday I was ok, really. Glad to wake up and see the sunshine. The temperature reached nearly 90°F well before noon. We take our time, move slowly, sip coffee and breathe in the air, the sounds and the memories. The morning tasted like french toast and bacon drizzled with syrup:  sweet and filling, just like the weekend.