I’m filled with happy for the moments in the sunshine with the cool breezes seeping into each breath. There is life in those whistles that blow through the trees. Never before has everything seemed so clear and intrepidly purposeful.
My children and I went to the races yesterday. They were ready to come home after the time trials, but we stuck it out. The cars were too noisy at first, but the earplugs too distracting to be comfortable. They played in the dirt and kicked rocks inside my sandals till I thought I would come unglued. We separated them countless times only to have them wash ashore to hug and kiss and then punch and shove. Hotdogs, onion rings and snacks filled their tummies and by the time the main feature was underway they were pooped enough to enjoy it. Korey watched our guy closely, cheering him on. What number again Mommy? Did someone pass us?
Justin fell asleep on my lap and Korey sprawled out on the bleachers ready to snooze. It was time to go at the half-way mark. They slept in their dusty clothes and skin leaving an outline on their bedsheets which are now clean. The ring around my bathtub tells the tale of two happy little boys. They are spic and span for Daddy to enjoy for four nights before he leaves for the big race in Louden and the boys and I will be a family for a whole week.
Sleep is a priority for me now as I ramp up for single parenthood without relief. I yelled at them today to clean up and stop being savages. I always feel bad when I do that. I want them to remember their mother as someone who never raised her voice, but it’s too late for that. As long as they remember that I love them oodles and oodles without end, that will be enough.
Mandy and I are family now, heading to the beach for a stroll along the water’s edge. Life is full of possibilities, I wonder what’s in store for us.