Just the bag

Why is it when I pour myself a cup of tea, the cup needs to be filled to the brim, yet I rarely finish it. Today, the kettle went dry when my cup was only 2/3 full. I drank the whole thing and had to go back for a second cup just to feel satisfied. There’s some psychology there.

Perhaps I’m the type of person who wants it all but loses interest if I seemingly get it all.  Yet the thought of not having it all makes me grave the fullness. Am I creating a life of struggle by not fully enjoying all I have at the moment and constantly seeking something more? Or, is that what keeps us reaching for the next big thing and makes life interesting? I’m sure there’s a balance there somewhere.

I had my first guitar lesson tonight with Roger. I was late. Drove right past the building and had to turn around. But, within 25 minutes I was reading music and feeling very comfortable. I played tonight at my nephew’s cake cutting. Cleared the room, but it was fun. Some wine would have gotten “me and Jimmie all tuned up”.

I’ve been searching for answers to a question. The truth is I know the answer to the question, I’m just searching for a more comfortable answer. It likely won’t come so it’s time to change my perspective. Swallow the disappointment and look forward to new adventures. Attract my heart’s desire. Tonight my fortune cookie read:  “Your dearest wish will come true.” I can’t wait for that. I’m positive I’m ready to stop dreaming and start living the life I want. Now, if I only knew what my dearest wish is.

Brian’s mother is in the hospital waiting for tests to determine the extent of the cancer on her bowel. We are hopeful it is a primary cancer contained in one area so that open surgery will not be required and the cancerous cells can be removed successfully through a laproscopic procedure. 

That reminds me of something my doctor told me once when I was pregnant with Korey. She was talking about psychic healing and performing operations without the need to surgically cut. We laughed at the thought of how that would work for childbirth. But, there is power in the mind to heal. That I firmly believe. Imagining our bodies as whole and healthy, removing congestion in our auras and opening our chakras cleanses us on a spiritual, emotional and physical level. It’s all connected. Mind over matter they say. I pray Shirley does well and recovers rapidly. I’m sure she’s so scared. I remember the feelings I had when they found masses on my liver and spleen. Which fortunately turned out to be nothing.  My panic stopped, but for her, it continues. I’m sending white light to cleanse her spirit and body.

Perhaps I’ve found my dearest wish.

Oh, and by the way, I didn’t finish that second “full” cup of tea.