Monthly Archives: January 2008


Can someone explain to me the point of throwing sneakers over an electrical line. Three pair swing in the wind at the bottom of my subdivision. There must be at least $150 good hard-earned dollars on display there. Who does this, and why? I also wonder how many tries it takes.

KD said the cops do it for Halloween. They take the scarecrows down and throw the sneakers up there.  WTF? He’s six so his hypothesis is likely accurate in his innocent mind. Besides he got agitated when I challenged him on it. So the explanation can hang around until we find a better one.

One day last fall when Mandy was in the midst of her nervous breakdown due to the changes in our living arrangements, JB came to me and said, “Mommy, I just ate a raisin off the floor and it didn’t taste very good.” Now, I’m not the best housekeeper, but raisins on the floor, that would rarely happen. I looked in the living room and noticed Mandy’s latest nervous reaction spread across the floor. So much for being on time for work that morning with extra teeth brushing, handwashings and clean up. KD loves to tell this story whenever he and JB are with friends. It really upsets JB and always makes him run crying that it “wasn’t funny.”

Maybe not, but this is:  One morning we were all in the bathroom getting ready and JB was jumping around, which is fine and normal for a four year old, but somehow the toilet, with the seat up…I live with boys remember…sucked him backward with a splash. He was soaked, a turtle struggling to free himself from the porcelain monster. Another late day for me. This memory always makes me laugh when KD tells the tale and its now grown to include the fact that he had just finished using the toilet.

I can sympathize with JB on the raisin story and scald KD for telling it, but the toilet one always gets me…JB needs to learn to laugh at himself. I’ve finally gotten KD to the point where he sees the funny in everyday mishaps. I think JB, even though he is the king of comedy, will be a harder nut to crack. How many times can I empathize that it wasn’t funny with a straight face?

Today was a vacation day for me. JB’s preschool had a skating party and he and I spent an hour and a half dancing on ice. He’ll be ready for hockey next year for sure. He asked to go through the drive thru at McDonald’s so I gladly obliged. We had a one o’clock date at KD’s school to help out in his classroom. He was so pleased to have us there. I stapled some Scholastic book orders together and read with a couple of the kids. It was enjoyable to see them participate and I picked up a few pointers on how to make them listen. I also noticed the teacher repeating herself again and again, so I guess it’s not just me that doesn’t get heard the first six times.

I saved three chicken nuggets for KD from lunch, but JB ate one and fed another to Mandy. KD sobbed. We had McDonald’s for dinner. Mother of the Year…I know.


Now what?

The rain is still coming down and everything glistens as it turns to ice. The driveway was full of wet, heavy slush tonight. “I bet you miss him now,” called a neighbour. Funny, I was just about to yell over, “It feels good to do this myself.” Actually, I could use his plough to stretch out the opening a bit. It’s nice and roomy once you’re in but a bit of a squeeze getting there.

After nearly an hour of hard labour, my driveway is bare.

And speaking of spit…

Every day I walk to work past a drop-in centre. Most days shivering people are standing outside smoking, laughing and hurling playful obscenities at each other, which really doesn’t bother me since I smoke occasionally and can hurl playful obscenities with the best of them. What makes me gag is having to dodge the huge hawkers people leave on the sidewalk, which today were quite frozen, making them even more of a hazard. Imagine slipping on a frozen luggie. It’s a little too much to take on an empty stomach.

 I know, that was gross. Want more…check this out…

Sugar comes in canes

What happens when your life takes a surprising turn for the better? When your hopes are less than your experience.

I’ve been learning a Kid Rock song “Only God Knows Why” on my guitar. It’s a gift for my nephew who says this song got him through one of the lowest points in his life. He’s ten years my junior and I hate to tell him, but low points are relative. The good part is that each experience makes us stronger. Eventually we’ll find the good in everything we’ve done and everything we’ve left undone. The evolution of a peaceful soul dictates this.

Anyway, he and his wife are taking a trip to Detroit to see Kid Rock in concert. I am not just slightly envious, I actually felt jealous today for the first time in a long time. Deep, real, rib-twisting jealousy that makes you want to spit.

I’m happy for them, but God I wish it were me.


Sitting here
Thinking about nothing
Wondering if it’s true
Lost without you.

Jumping to the beat
Falling for the line
Someone cries tonight
Trying to get it right.

The future holds no promise
And life is where you are
Hang hope on your pain
Run from the rain.

Step back in time
To fix the broken pieces
Look for an edge to hold
And shelter from the cold.

Love falls all around you
Catch it when you can
Somebody will love you
For the little things you do. articles

Ever since Susan’s assignment, I’ve felt the need to write about “something”. So, I’m posting articles on You can find mine >>here<< just in case you need a fix.

Usual blogging will continue soon…


I wonder what he’s up to

How he smells and tastes

What’s behind those eyes

Where his heart is

Where his thoughts are

What made him happy today

If I’ll ever touch him

His face, his body

His heart, his soul

I sense him

But I can’t see him

Until I close my eyes

5 x Five

Susan at One Woman Show has tagged me for this meme (and I had to look that up). Also, I’m not sure how the tag thing works, my blogging is quite elementary. So now that I’ve registered my ignorance, I’ll move on to something I think I can do with some reverence and sincerity. Like Susan and Sophie before her, I too am casual about when/if the people I tag for this carry through.

5 Things I Want My Kids to Know:

  1. My life has more meaning with you in it. I’m grateful for your souls.
  2. I think you are excellent teachers. I’ve learned so much from you.
  3. Whenever I’m lonely I replay the first time I held you.
  4. I’m sorry I yell so much.  I hope I can teach you how not to do that even when you want to.
  5. I love you just the way you are.

5 things you want to tell your child when they grow up:

  1. Learn to meditate. It will bring you back to yourself.
  2. Be at peace with the world. Your world begins with you.
  3. Don’t feign affection. As much as you deserve to be deeply loved, you also deserve to love deeply in return.
  4. Choices are not forever. You can always make another decision.
  5.  Everything changes. Enjoy every moment.

5 things you want to tell your children before you die:

  1. Always remember to brush your teeth and comb your hair…check your nose too.
  2. Remember the best parts of me and delete the rest. I’ve always wanted you to have only the best of me.
  3. Share your happiness with others.  Happiness is stronger when mixed.
  4. Find something you love to do. If it pays well, great. If not, work at the next best thing to support your passion.
  5. If you make a 1000 mistakes, I’ll still love you. If you feel like giving up, I’ll hold you.

5 things you want your children to know this lifetime:

  1. The kind of love that is as wonderful to give as it is to receive.
  2. The smell of your newborn baby.
  3. Opportunities taken.
  4. A gentle and comfortable existence.
  5. A grandchild to hold.

5 people I’m tagging for this meme if, and only if, they would like to participate:

  1. Kathleen at Mama Words
  2. Brahnamin at Juggling Cats

The torture of motherhood

Today was dentist day. The last time I took the boys JB changed his mind about going first and KD wouldn’t. We left the office, my head hung in shame over my inability to create a safety net for my kids’ fears.

Today they were warned by their Dad that if they acted up and didn’t get in the chair, they would lose all their new toys for three days. Not exactly the breadth of punishment I would have inflicted, nor be able to enforce. 

KD got the first nod. I saw fear shiver through his tiny frame.

He layed back in the chair, opened his mouth and then began to cry and pull away. The Hygienist struggled to keep him still and we both tried to convince him that it was ok. He didn’t like the taste of the gloves, so they were taken off. Then he said the instrument hurt. I’m sure it did. The Dentist was brought in to see if she had more effect. I watched as my child sobbed and struggled to get away. My heart ached for all those parents who have sick children and watch while they are forced to comply. I stopped the procedure. His teeth will last another day. 

The Dentist left silently but her footsteps spoke volumes. JB wouldn’t go and so we packed up and left. This time my head held high. I did gross them out in the stairwell and if anyone actually heard me, they deserved it. KD begged me not to tell his father. I suggested he be the one to share the news. He hid when his father arrived.

What they didn’t deserve was the attitude of their Dad. Nor did I deserve the lashing I got for not calling him to take them since we all know they are good for him and not for me.

KD admitted I didn’t hold his hand as good as Daddy does. Now I just need someone to hold me.

Northern Lights

The house is quiet for the first time in over 10 days with just the pitter-patter of Mandy nails and Jimmie’s occassional outbursts resonating. The kids are with their Dad who returned from “Up North” after a week-long visit with his sister. He left on Boxing Day, which meant the kids and I had the whole Christmas break together. It was fun. We had no where to go and relaxed into house bunnies.

The holidays were productive. We hosted two parties and even got the old toys cleaned up to make room for the new ones and some shelves I’m hoping to score early this year. So far, nine bags of garbage await their Tuesday morning date with the squeezer. Actually, I’ll have to share some of the garbage with my neighbours since I think we have a 6 bag limit. Update:  the old toilet is still covered in snow.

The tree is now bare, except for the lights and angel and I’m moving into cleansweep mode this weekend, returning our house back to its normal look and feel. As I write this though, I’m thinking I’ll make some changes, drastic ones, like taking the tv out of the livingroom. On second thought, that’s probably not a good idea, yet.

JB got a set of drums for Christmas and the neighbours are so happy. KD got a guitar which I think he’s naming Jimmie 2. That’s original. I’ll get him to work on that. He hasn’t really tried it out, but I was playing it and he commented that he didn’t think it could sound so good.

The best part of the holiday was my friend KT visiting (from “Up North”) with his daughter SE, who is eight. A perfect fit for my kids and my 7 year old nephew MJ who I believe may now be “in love”. What a sweet thing. He bought SE earings as a going away gift. Two nights before they left all three boys gathered and waited for their arrival to say their final farewells. MJ and JB went bezerk and drove SE nuts, until she actually cried. KD sat immersed in re-runs of Bugs Bunny and once SE had tired of JB and MJ, he made his subtle move…sly devil. I was so proud.

KT and SE left this morning. KT and I hung out last night, drank beer, looked backward and forward, laughed and hugged a lot. It’s hard to imagine where all the years went, or what’s ahead. They’ll be back in two year’s time. I’m marking this moment to measure the width of our path and the length of our journey.