Today was dentist day. The last time I took the boys JB changed his mind about going first and KD wouldn’t. We left the office, my head hung in shame over my inability to create a safety net for my kids’ fears.

Today they were warned by their Dad that if they acted up and didn’t get in the chair, they would lose all their new toys for three days. Not exactly the breadth of punishment I would have inflicted, nor be able to enforce. 

KD got the first nod. I saw fear shiver through his tiny frame.

He layed back in the chair, opened his mouth and then began to cry and pull away. The Hygienist struggled to keep him still and we both tried to convince him that it was ok. He didn’t like the taste of the gloves, so they were taken off. Then he said the instrument hurt. I’m sure it did. The Dentist was brought in to see if she had more effect. I watched as my child sobbed and struggled to get away. My heart ached for all those parents who have sick children and watch while they are forced to comply. I stopped the procedure. His teeth will last another day. 

The Dentist left silently but her footsteps spoke volumes. JB wouldn’t go and so we packed up and left. This time my head held high. I did gross them out in the stairwell and if anyone actually heard me, they deserved it. KD begged me not to tell his father. I suggested he be the one to share the news. He hid when his father arrived.

What they didn’t deserve was the attitude of their Dad. Nor did I deserve the lashing I got for not calling him to take them since we all know they are good for him and not for me.

KD admitted I didn’t hold his hand as good as Daddy does. Now I just need someone to hold me.