My header is under construction….Wordpress is being figidity.

My kids’ Dad found my blog and immediately questioned why I was posting about his Mother and kids so openly. Which hit a bit of a tender spot with me, since I am a little leery of using real names. I’m now thinking I may make some adjustments to ensure our anonymity is maintained. It’s smoke and mirrors of course for anyone who knows us personally, but if he misses this post, I’m in the clear.

I like the way Susan has done it. I’m inspired. Hey, it may be fun to create and control a parrallel experience of our reality.

After many months I have changed my blog theme. Not sure if it’s better. I was actually looking for one with a larger font size so I can edit more comfortably.

I set an intention for yoga class tonight and focused hard, between breaths. The meditation took me around it a bit as my ego struggled to keep what I was trying to relieve myself of. You know what? It worked! I feel lighter, like the weight that was bringing me down is sitting at the bottom of the ocean and I’m now free to splash and dance onshore.

Something’s been bugging me though. Why do the words blog and wordpress get caught in my wordpress blog spellchecker?

I’m also wondering why I have this insane urge to get drunk. Not tipsy, drunk!

Forever doesn’t seem that long when you consider how many people have sworn forever and then let it glide by. If you look at the world from a mile high, you’ll see that your forever is a spec compared to the time it has taken for life to evolve to what it is today. I’m not afraid of forever. Like never, it hasn’t happened yet

I also don’t pretend that forever is irredeemable. We all feel intensely about things today that we didn’t even consider in the past. We shift, moment by moment. What feels like a forever state now, may not raise a conscious thought tomorrow. Thinking that something is forever is limiting. How do you know that you’ll feel the same way always? Besides my kids and my family and my close friendships, I can’t say what will remain with me beyond tomorrow.

There are some things I carry with me that I have to train myself to dump, else risk labelling them ‘forever feelings’ that limit my ability to move forward. I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago. Hell, I’m not the same person I was even yesterday.  Transforming ourselves is rooted in our ability to remove expectations and attachments to outcomes and let the life we intentionally create move us forward moment by moment.

Forever doesn’t scare me, it fills me with hope for tomorrow, but I don’t hang my hat on it.

I’m certain there is something wrong with the air quality around me. It’s being measured so I’ll soon see what is making me feel so sick and tired and lethargic. Unless, of course, I keel over before the test is complete.

So I’ve been thinking…

• If you kick a dead horse long enough, you’ll get glued.
• The future is what you dream it to be. Turn around and walk toward it…fearless.
• Sundays are long when I don’t have my kids. I miss them the most on Sundays.
• Hockey arenas are cold on the outside but warm on the inside.

My experiment took a slip to the dark side as I cruised the keyword list looking for something that wouldn’t bring up a porn site. Keyword Tracker removes any blatant words and they do a great job, but oh how humans can masquerade their fettishes behind the meaning of names. 

….

And then there it was, the innocent word that brings a softness to every child’s slumber:  Webkins. My children only have a couple. Mandy adopted my nephew’s and is bringing it up in our backyard. Moving it around like a new mother protecting it from danger and escape. It’s full of dirt and grass and likely the processed food she so industriously cranks out back there.

Actually, when the kids got their webkins their computer was conveniently broken so we haven’t entered the online extravaganza. Their tags are still around here somewhere. They get dusted and put back in the pile of “I’m not sure what this is for, but it might be important someday.”

Something similar is happening on my Facebook profile.