Category Archives: Experiences

The spoils

So Mandy doesn’t like the water, especially the waves. What a crazy dog. I left her run (leash on) down the beach and she tended to stay dry, worked really hard at it actually. She met another dog and I dropped her lead. She was fine…fine. I’m so impressed.  I don’t know what Deb did to her, but she’s a different dog. Yesterday my nephew came in the house without my knowing and Mandy didn’t say a word. I think she was focusing on the kids in the backyard and her multi-tasking isn’t quite polished.

On the beach a young couple were playing near the water. He was teasing her that he was going to throw her in. They were a nice looking couple. As I walked by, the guy looked me in the eye in kind of a weird way. Here he was with this sweet young thing and still looking around. Maybe they were a new couple, just dating or something. You know, options open. Or, maybe he was just showing off, wanting everyone to see his new catch. Probably that.

In any case it reminded me that in my previous relationships, teasing like that would have led to a big fight because eventually I would have taken it a bit too far (read: they couldn’t take a joke).  Number one quality in a partner:  the ability to joke around. Love teases, or at least mine does.

At the beach, we sat on the rocks as a duck did laps in front of us. Seemingly unaware of our presence but she knew exactly what she was doing, nonchalant but ostentatious.  Mandy was comical. She’d run into the water, just out to her neck, and bark. Then a wave would rush over her and she’d run back to me for safety. My car is full of sand but it was worth it.

On the way home I stopped at a yard sale thingy and bought the kids a student’s desk. It’s a middle school size one so it will last a while. Korey loves to play teacher and Justin loves being the student. Now he’ll have his own desk. I can’t wait till they see it. I’ll be a hit and they’ll be amused for minutes on end. How do you spell Mommy time?

Jimmie and I hung out tonight. He was all tuned up. I love him that way. I’m ready for Roger tomorrow. I hope he doesn’t cancel. Jimmie and I will be very disappointed.

This was kind of a dear diary entry…


Moonlight

Seeing is believing or so they say. I’m stuck between what I hope and what I see and what I’ve been led to believe. My ability to decipher my feelings leads me to uncertainty. Uncertainty about the past, the present and the future. What’s left is only this moment, where I’m comfortable and everything is working just fine. What more could I ask for?

Tonight the full moon came up over the water and we sat around the campfire. The six of us, telling stories, catching up, being friends. Earlier we toured the bay waters and saw dolphins playing in their fields. A family of four doing tricks for us as we chased them around. Mandy was onboard. She loved it. I’m so glad she’s the kind of dog I can take places. She is one of my best friends. In fact, her love is unconditional. The deepest unconditional love. When I cry, she licks my tears away. When I laugh, she smiles. When I yell, she gets out of my way, then comes back to let me know she’s there for me.

Peaceful moments with friends. True friends who give you angels to remember that they think of you. Kathy is volunteering and loving semi-retirement. Miriam has a neighbour with a sick cat. Mallory is working hard and being a Mommy. Debbie is the ultimate soccer Mom. Wanda lives contently in the most beautiful spot and looking forward to Louden in September.  We are all ok. All good. Next month we do it again. I can’t wait for that.


Save it for another day

This weekend the boys and I went to the countryhouse. Sounds upitty, but it’s not. My great-nephew called it the “countryhouse” so it stuck. It’s fitting. It’s not a cottage, it’s a house, in the country.

In the crisp clean air, seagulls play melodies all day long, competing only with passing boats and the church chimes: tender symphonies of our childhood cranked through an ancient soundsystem. At night, the waves innocently reverberate and it sounds as if something in the dark expansive fields is trying to make its way to you. Alas, the spotlight reveals nothing to be afraid of. But the deer do roam in those fields and in the morning, if you’re quiet and up before the noise, you will see them, jumping through the long grass, playing their family games. They are weindeer. I’ve seen weindeer before. Mommy, can we go to the North Pole someday? Do you know the way? Maybe you can get Santa’s phone number and ask him.

A two-night sleepover at the country. Fishing off the government wharf. Low tide and a broken fishing rod. Disappointment for a six year old who was wide-eyed. But his brother shared his rod, reluctantly with moments of panic for Mommy, who anticipates the ensuing battle and the clumbsy pushing and shoving that are part of a boy’s life. The same pushing and shoving on a Government wharf at low tide is a Mother’s nightmare. So I panicked and Laurie brought me back. Thankfully.

Saturday morning, hazy and hot, we made our way to the beach. Now let me tell you, the beach as beautiful as it is, is meant to be enjoyed at dusk or sunrise or on a moonlit night. Not in the middle of a hot and humid afternoon with no relief and three children kicking sand over everything. The sand that grinds into the sunscreen and creates cement. The beach is not my thing, really. But we went. The water was just thawed from its winter’s sleep so no swimming on the agenda. The kids found fun though, as kids always will, with their redneck shovel and makeshift pails. Korey ran into the water and tripped. He got wet then spread out his towel to sunbathe. Where did he learn that? Not from me.

We spread out a bedsheet and enjoyed the playtime between the sand fights. An old, obviously male, dog provided some excitement and beach rocks and broken shells made their way home with us.

And, tired of reading, I wrote. I wrote a story. Well the beginning of a story based on a boat I saw coming in from sea. Laurie gave me the words Sex and Tropical. I wrote only a paragraph on those, but the story took breath and away it went. How much fun was that. Me, on the beach, on a bedsheet, watching my kids, writing. Perfect with ginger snaps.

Oddly, everyone wanted to leave but me.

Once again, the kids ran amuck in the Save Easy. I’m sure they’ll post our photos there soon. Do not let these people in. The kids are wild and the mother is crazy!

They stayed in the truck with Auntie at the LC.

Three boys, six, four and three. What moments of joy they bring. Korey clearly the bigger one. The Teacher to his two students. T is beng knd of bd, read the note to his Mom. Justin is beng good, read the other. Justin and T played volleyball at recess and T wouldn’t sit in his seat. But it was so cute. Cherish these days when they want to be near us, in the house where we know they are safe, at least from outside sources, but not always from each other.

A trip to see Poppy. Open the gate, swish away the horseflies and mosquitos and the tears. Who’s this momma? I’m walking on someone right now. I’m jumpin on Poppy’s head? Go ahead, I’m sure he’d love it. Three daughters and five grandsons, four of which he never knew beyond infancy. So Momma if I lay down you can bury me? You have to be dead first Justin, piped Korey. Another stop to visit more relatives and friends committed to the earth. So many innocent questions. I learned so much.

Mommy time was required early Saturday night, but didn’t happen till way past my boiling point. If kids are tired, why won’t they go to sleep? Downward dogs, kicking, punching, reading, more light, door open, have to pee, need a drink, another pee, I love you momma, I love you momma, Korey don’t touch me. Stop touching me. I want to cuddle her. They finally made it to their dreams without me.

Fire pits, laughter, Corona and smoke. A nice combination. I promised next year I’d play the guitar. Seems the music gene skipped a generation and it’s time to claw back some tunes on Mosher’s Hill.  That is, if we can get everyone to stop laughing and eating cookies, and marshmallows and hotdogs and peanuts and dill pickle chips. I’d hate for someone to choke on a high note.

The kids always wake early at the country. A hard pill when Mommy time was enjoyed. But Sunday I was ok, really. Glad to wake up and see the sunshine. The temperature reached nearly 90°F well before noon. We take our time, move slowly, sip coffee and breathe in the air, the sounds and the memories. The morning tasted like french toast and bacon drizzled with syrup:  sweet and filling, just like the weekend.


Runaway

Yesterday while driving down the highway I saw a little dog running along the side of the road, obviously lost. Its well-groomed white coat was straggly and reminded me of plowed snow three days after the storm. I would have stopped had I not seen a man franticly scouring the woods.

As I approached, his shoulders dropped in exasperation. I slowed and motioned behind me. His eyes turned to the horizon and he too saw the almost white fluffball running toward him. His face was a mix of disbelief and relief as he ran to collect his prize. He had obviously been searching a while. His car was pulled over about 500 metres ahead, four-ways flashing, driver’s side not completely off the road.  

I would have loved to have stopped to hear the story of this little dog who was so inadequately prepared for life on the run. Better yet, I would have loved to have heard the phone conversation when he returned to his car with the dog safely in the passenger seat and be at their home to see little hearts and hands cuddle and caress their favourite friend.


Justin

Four years ago tonight I ate chinese food till it came out of my ears, double-checked my suitcase, tucked Korey into bed and tried to get a good night’s sleep. Five o’clock promised early and the day ahead was an exciting mix of familiarity and uncertainty.

The chinese food pounded upward all night, causing my throat to catch fire insatiably. No amount of water or chalky powder would calm the flames. I tossed and turned, cursing the sauce, the egg-roll, the chicken balls, even the harmless rice. I could feel Justin kicking inside, rolling around feeling his way through the darkness. I wondered if his eyes were open, if he could hear my agonizing moans, his dad snoring. In less than 6, 5, 4, 3, hours I would hold him in my arms and nurture him, skin to skin.

I believe I was thrown awake to savour the moment. Justin would be the last to kick between my ribs. The last to move around till my nose went numb. The last to take my breath away with a simple hiccup. The last to keep me warm from the inside.  I willed for labour to start on its own, for Justin to arrive naturally without surgical steel his introduction to life. I wanted to deliver my children, not have them taken from me without the faintest sensation. I wanted to bounce back and push a stroller on day 3, not labour over my wound for 6 weeks, unable to circulate or pick up Korey.

It wasn’t to be. The clock went off and the day began. A bit surreal. Showers, triple checks of suitcases, Korey kissed awake and taken to the sitter and Mom and Dad off to the hospital for boy number 2. All with military exactness. No surprises, no audible exchanges.

Walking into the OR and climbing up on the table felt more like I was getting an exam than giving birth. As I lay there, the spinal took effect. I could feel Justin kicking, kicking, rolling, kicking, slight kicking, one little punch, nothing. I was fully dilated. Ready to begin.

The conversations in the room disrupted my breathing pattern and resulted in panic. “Are you ok?” asked the voice of God from overhead. “There’s too many conversations going on in here. I can’t focus.” “Patient has requested quiet,” said my nurse. My doctor apologized. I felt dumb but glad to resume my calculated breathing.

I could feel Justin being twisted and pulled from between my ribs. Another high one, I wouldn’t have been able to deliver him either. I don’t remember feeling anything with Korey’s delivery, but this actually hurt. I was glad, took it like a mom. Childbirth is meant to be painful, I felt qualified.

My 8:00 am OR date resulted in a 8:23 am healthy baby boy, loud and proud. All clumbsy limbs and vibrating tongue. Music to my ears. A sight for my sore hand that was poked 4 times by an unsteady, nervous intern, who was coached closely by God while she administered the deadening juice into my spine. Perhaps her incompetence led to my qualification.

Four years later, Justin is spending the eve of his birthday at his Dad’s. Tomorrow we’ll party at the bowling alley with 10 of his closest friends and cousins and his girlfriend Olivia, a five year old from up the street. She smiled at Justin on the first day of preschool, they’ve been an item ever since.

While I blow up balloons and pack the loot bags, I lament the lost feelings of kicks and punches from the inside. Hugs, kisses and sweet conversations are the prize now. I pray the years ahead will continue to bring even more to savour. The physical scar is finally gone, but bringing a child into the world, no matter how you do it or the outcome, leaves a permanent mark, right on your heart.

 Longer version available here.


So consumed

I spent yesterday and today at an internet marketing conference. Because I don’t own a handheld, yet, I was unable to keep up with Sweet | Salty. Yesterday I learned Liam was having heart surgery sometime this week. As it turns out, today was the day. Tonight I read both posts…when he went in and when he came out. I’m so glad I was incommunicado. I’m not sure I could have stood the suspense or the painful, nervous hoping. Of course Kate and Justin endured it real time, they seem so superhero-ish to me. I’m amazed by the human spirit and the outpouring of global love from those known and unknown to them. Keep putting the corners around it Kate, we’ll be here soaking up your strength and pouring it right back to you.

As for the conference, it was well done. Well organized.  An interesting mix of topics. Some light some enlightening. For the first Atlantic event, it was heavily attended and the key message was clear. A highly usable, task oriented website is the most important tool in your belt—it builds efficient business processes, your brand and great customer experiences. Say, have you met Bob and Carol? They love great experiences. Congrats ISL on your new corporate identity, your exceptional exposure at the conference and your new website…I’m still crushing on it.

Next year when I register, I hope I can select from 3 options: 

1.  Give me the basics
2.  Give me more than the basics
3.  All meat and no potatoes please

What I really want is a glimpse of tomorrow. I’m already having a blast in the past.


Still mine

My car sat overnight in the parking lot at work. I was so hoping it would be gone when I returned. Two years ago I was sucked into buying extra insurance that gives me 5 grand if it’s stolen and unrecovered. This wouldn’t be such a bad deal considering that’s a lot more than I’d get on a trade-in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to hire a hitman for my car. But its innocent disappearance wouldn’t break my heart. I’m ready for a new relationship.


All wet

I’m lamenting the rain. I know it brings fertility and cleanses nature’s palette, but I haven’t been able to bounce in 2 days. There in the backyard sits our beautiful new trampoline, waiting patiently for us to climb aboard and begin our awkward, gleeful levity. My only consolation is that I have more time to practice my kegel exercises, which, I discovered, are absolutely necessary prior to bouncing.


Tow truckin’ it

The morning went well for a change. The kids were happy to have eggos on the go, without syrup or the drink of the week, TMNT fart juice. We piled in the car, dog and all. I was agitated that the check engine light had turned off after 5 days of steady illumination…my appointment 2 days later would prove a complete waste of time without the dammed light on. I willed it to re-light.

After the kids were deposited at the sitters, Mandy and I made our way to her spa appointment. We didn’t get far. The car started to sputter and then the check engine light began dancing to an uncontrollable beat. The car stopped, right outside the entrance to the elementary school. School buses and busy parents dodged to the left and right, annoyed but still pleasant, as far as I could tell.

The ETA on roadside assistance was approximately 1 hour so Mandy and I walked home. The spring fur balls would remain for another day. Once she was safely barking her face off inside the house, I made my way back to the car. Being a good canine citizen and not wanting to tempt karma, I collected her droppings from the walk home, and fantasized about leaving them somewhere at the car dealership…don’t you even think about touching that link.

Three calls to work, 2 canceled appointments and 1 (long-overdue) crafted thank you note later, three guys in a tow truck arrived. I’m not sure exactly why there were three…oh yeah, it was training day. The funny thing was they all seemed to be in charge. I couldn’t tell exactly who was training who, unless it was, of course, me being trained in the art of, ‘just don’t make small talk, this will all be over soon’.

They sat me in the front seat and proceeded to coax and ram my car onto the truck. I think I heard it crying for me. I wasn’t listening, it deserved the rough handling. I was secretly hoping it would fall off the back and innocently roll off a cliff, never to be seen again. I was even willing to part with my favourite yoga mat and Justin’s most prized, “real” hockey stick, nestled securely in the trunk.

The drive to the dealership…don’t touch it…was…more male bonding than I had all of last year. The guy behind me was having phone sex with his girlfriend, “I love you…why? Because you take care of me…I think you know what I mean.” Fortunately, and I mean for me, he was interrupted by his other cell phone before the climax.

The driver then took a call, became agitated and threw his phone against the front window. Silence loomed large. “Wife?” phone-sex guy asked. “No, worse…my mother,” was the reply. That awkward exchange was satisfyingly cut short, when a call came over the radio, “When you’re done there can you call me, there’s a baby locked in a car.” I wanted to scream, “forget about me…go get the kid.” I didn’t. It wasn’t hot out, the child was likely not in any danger or they would have called the cops, right? I mean I just wanted to get to the dealership…ah, ah, ah…as quickly as that tow truck haulin my sorry-ass car would go.

Once we arrived, phone-sex guy kindly offered me his greasy, black, rubber-rubbed hand to help me down from the truck. Now, I’ve been in a truck or two in my day, and didn’t actually need the help, but didn’t want to appear rude or manly. I gently brushed the cleanest part of his jacket I could find, somewhere just above the elbow, and…I was free. Scarred but not cut.

My cab ride to the office was much more relaxing as was the return 7 hours later knowing my bank account was only dented $44. My warranty runs dry in August and it’s cliff or sale for my 2001 Jetta. I think every part has been replaced or poked at least once. This time it was the ignition switch and something was blocking the air filter, likely Mandy’s fur.  

That’s what I get for buying a car in the rain. It looked so shiny and clean and worthy sitting there on the lot that fateful day at the dealership.


Bouncing

The trampoline is finally here. It takes up most of my backyard and is likely an eye-sore for the neighbours, but I don’t care. It’s amazing how much lighter you feel, in mood and mass, when you experience life mid-air. My kids and I are birthing lots of great memories with games like:  popcorn, egg breaker, Johnny butt cracker, face plant and genie in a bottle. Plus, they are content to be completely caged in the backyard, burning off all the extra energy that seems to cause wild mood swings and random attacks on each other.

The health benefits of bouncing are enormous. Since the lymphatic system doesn’t have a natural pump, bouncing is really great for keeping things moving and ridding your body of toxins and unwanted deposits. And, the cardiovascular benefits are swift and effortless. Your heart-rate rises quickly and it’s easy to maintain because you just don’t want to stop. It’s a fun, low-impact and strenuous workout. I have a physio appointment Monday morning. I’m sensing we’ll be covering new ground.

While I’m blessing it with safe white light, I’m grateful to have such an efficient and delicious toy.