I’m going to admit some things. As a tween, I was in love with a Bay City Roller. Les McKeown was his name…oh so cute. I Googled him tonight and guess what? He grew up to be very handsome.
Second admission: I’ve been using an online dating site to meet people. Sometimes it works and I have indeed met some very nice people that make great acquaintances. My profile is hidden so I make first contact. Lately it’s been unsupportive and I intend to give it the “gift of missing me” for a while. Maybe I’m too honest or not needy enough with issues that jump off the screen. Misery loves company and there’s clearly no misery here. It seems possible that they don’t actually believe me as I understand many ladies are misrepresenting themselves…and I’ve had men do that too. I’ve also been told the man’s game is to appear uninterested. WTF?
Not to sound scorned, rejected or, egawd’s, desperate; I know the right one won’t make me run to the Manslator until at least 6 months in. But, hope springs eternal so when I see someone that sparks my interest and I make contact, I kind of hope that maybe it will ignite at least a nice conversation. But lately, I’ve got nothin’. So, I delete my messages if they are not responded to. On this particular site the men can see that I’ve done so. If they even notice, they will either think I’m OCD-tidy about my outbox or that I’m no longer interested and feel either confused or grateful to be off the hook. At least that’s what I think they will think. But another admission today is that I have no f*cking idea what men think and frankly it’s quite boorish, beyond good posting material. Don’t get me wrong, I love men. I just tend to overthink them, apparently.
The secret is that I’m attracting these slender responses from people who are in some cases less interesting than my biological friends who rate me quite high on the old “FO’Meter”. I believe this is telling me to return to my good life and abandon the virtual search. I’m actually growing tired of sharing my story with complete strangers who probably wouldn’t get me anyway nor curl my toes in real life.
Perhaps I need to restate my intention. I believe the universe may be confused:
1. Must be playful and able to take a joke.
2. Must be intelligent, handsome and love to learn new things.
3. Must not feel lovemaking is naughty.
4. Must contact me in some way on a weekly basis.
5. Must have ambition.
6. Must not hold me back.
Let me explain that last one. I’ve allowed myself to be held back by men who question why I want to go for more. While it’s true money doesn’t bring happiness, realizing your potential, expanding yourself in new directions and reaching for your dreams, does.
Or, maybe it’s just because it’s Superbowl weekend and I’m competing with men in tights.
Just a Moment 
February 3rd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Oh, that last line made me laugh. Terry Macdonald at Dating Advice (Almost) Daily (http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com/) writes about this a lot — i.e., that you should state what you want, don’t settle for less, and, yes, that eventually the Universe will listen. I like Terry. I like the Universe. I think (hope) it may work. Hang in there…or take a break if you need to. And never, ever apologize for wanting what you want.
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Thanks Susan. Perhaps I’m growing impatient with the whole thing and need to get out and meet real people. Which sounds like an awesome plan from where I’m sitting right now.
February 5th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
if i could offer an alternative:
dating sites are all well and good but they come with a certain expectation and a certain wariness.
try meeting people at non dating sites. google stuff you are interested in and find sites where people are talking about that stuff. and jump in.
real world is good too, but teh interwebs are open all night.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Thanks Brahnamin and since I’m up most of the night it just might work. I agree with the wariness. I have a positive affirmation now and plan to let the universe unfold. Do you see anything in the cards for me?