Daily Archives: February 3, 2008

Valentine’s Day

KD wrote up his own Valentine’s Day cards this weekend. What a change from last year when I basically had to tie him to the chair and feed him candy to keep his attention. JB can make three letters, J, K and O. Did I mention his penmanship is remarkable for a four year old?

We went for a family skate today, all five of us. We got the family rate.

The boys were up since 6 am. KD decided he didn’t want to go to hockey. It was my intention that they would go back to sleep for an hour or two, but that didn’t happen. It was a long day for JB. He melted down at least three times. I held it together until the last one. Now I feel bad. He fell asleep with me lecturing him on how we had to work together. It’s not easy for Mommy and I need them to be good for me and not whine for stuff. When I say “No” it’s for a reason. I’m not trying to be mean. 

The downstairs phone is still missing. JB used it as a prop/hammer to make his point. He won’t even entertain the thought of trying to find it. I’ll have to call myself tomorrow to uncover it.

I’m thinking now I need to write something substantial, like a short story. I have a bunch I started a few years ago. One that keeps coming back to me and gives me chills when I read it. Now that I’m further along in my writing, I realize it needs tightening up; more showing, less telling. I got this spark from a writer I emailed online…yes a response. Not everyone is watching football I guess.

Another friend I met online called today to say he is going to drop-off and meditate for a month. I’m happy for him. It brings him peace and acts as a muse for his music. He’ll be in one of my favourite spots. I envy the thought of his surroundings, but not sleeping on the floor.

Strange thing occurred to me today. Valentine’s Day is conveniently sandwiched between the Superbowl and Daytona.

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s.a.t.u.r.d.a.y. Night

I’m going to admit some things. As a tween, I was in love with a Bay City Roller. Les McKeown was his name…oh so cute. I Googled him tonight and guess what? He grew up to be very handsome.

Second admission:  I’ve been using an online dating site to meet people. Sometimes it works and I have indeed met some very nice people that make great acquaintances. My profile is hidden so I make first contact. Lately it’s been unsupportive and I intend to give it the “gift of missing me” for a while. Maybe I’m too honest or not needy enough with issues that jump off the screen. Misery loves company and there’s clearly no misery here. It seems possible that they don’t actually believe me as I understand many ladies are misrepresenting themselves…and I’ve had men do that too. I’ve also been told the man’s game is to appear uninterested. WTF?

Not to sound scorned, rejected or, egawd’s, desperate; I know the right one won’t make me run to the Manslator until at least 6 months in. But, hope springs eternal so when I see someone that sparks my interest and I make contact, I kind of hope that maybe it will ignite at least a nice conversation. But lately, I’ve got nothin’. So, I delete my messages if they are not responded to. On this particular site the men can see that I’ve done so. If they even notice, they will either think I’m OCD-tidy about my outbox or that I’m no longer interested and feel either confused or grateful to be off the hook. At least that’s what I think they will think. But another admission today is that I have no f*cking idea what men think and frankly it’s quite boorish, beyond good posting material. Don’t get me wrong, I love men. I just tend to overthink them, apparently.

The secret is that I’m attracting these slender responses from people who are in some cases less interesting than my biological friends who rate me quite high on the old “FO’Meter”. I believe this is telling me to return to my good life and abandon the virtual search. I’m actually growing tired of sharing my story with complete strangers who probably wouldn’t get me anyway nor curl my toes in real life.

Perhaps I need to restate my intention. I believe the universe may be confused:

1.  Must be playful and able to take a joke.
2.  Must be intelligent, handsome and love to learn new things.
3.  Must not feel lovemaking is naughty.
4.  Must contact me in some way on a weekly basis.
5.  Must have ambition.
6.  Must not hold me back.

Let me explain that last one. I’ve allowed myself to be held back by men who question why I want to go for more. While it’s true money doesn’t bring happiness, realizing your potential, expanding yourself in new directions and reaching for your dreams, does.

 Or, maybe it’s just because it’s Superbowl weekend and I’m competing with men in tights.