Ever since Susan’s assignment, I’ve felt the need to write about “something”. So, I’m posting articles on Helium.com. You can find mine >>here<< just in case you need a fix.
Usual blogging will continue soon…
Profile
I wonder what he’s up to
How he smells and tastes
What’s behind those eyes
Where his heart is
Where his thoughts are
What made him happy today
If I’ll ever touch him
His face, his body
His heart, his soul
I sense him
But I can’t see him
Until I close my eyes
5 x Five
Susan at One Woman Show has tagged me for this meme (and I had to look that up). Also, I’m not sure how the tag thing works, my blogging is quite elementary. So now that I’ve registered my ignorance, I’ll move on to something I think I can do with some reverence and sincerity. Like Susan and Sophie before her, I too am casual about when/if the people I tag for this carry through.
5 Things I Want My Kids to Know:
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My life has more meaning with you in it. I’m grateful for your souls.
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I think you are excellent teachers. I’ve learned so much from you.
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Whenever I’m lonely I replay the first time I held you.
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I’m sorry I yell so much. I hope I can teach you how not to do that even when you want to.
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I love you just the way you are.
5 things you want to tell your child when they grow up:
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Learn to meditate. It will bring you back to yourself.
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Be at peace with the world. Your world begins with you.
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Don’t feign affection. As much as you deserve to be deeply loved, you also deserve to love deeply in return.
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Choices are not forever. You can always make another decision.
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Everything changes. Enjoy every moment.
5 things you want to tell your children before you die:
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Always remember to brush your teeth and comb your hair…check your nose too.
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Remember the best parts of me and delete the rest. I’ve always wanted you to have only the best of me.
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Share your happiness with others. Happiness is stronger when mixed.
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Find something you love to do. If it pays well, great. If not, work at the next best thing to support your passion.
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If you make a 1000 mistakes, I’ll still love you. If you feel like giving up, I’ll hold you.
5 things you want your children to know this lifetime:
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The kind of love that is as wonderful to give as it is to receive.
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The smell of your newborn baby.
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Opportunities taken.
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A gentle and comfortable existence.
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A grandchild to hold.
5 people I’m tagging for this meme if, and only if, they would like to participate:
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Kate at Sweet | Salty
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Kathleen at Mama Words
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Brahnamin at Juggling Cats
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Rose at The Story of Rose
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Bon at Crib Chronicles
The torture of motherhood
Today was dentist day. The last time I took the boys JB changed his mind about going first and KD wouldn’t. We left the office, my head hung in shame over my inability to create a safety net for my kids’ fears.
Today they were warned by their Dad that if they acted up and didn’t get in the chair, they would lose all their new toys for three days. Not exactly the breadth of punishment I would have inflicted, nor be able to enforce.
KD got the first nod. I saw fear shiver through his tiny frame.
He layed back in the chair, opened his mouth and then began to cry and pull away. The Hygienist struggled to keep him still and we both tried to convince him that it was ok. He didn’t like the taste of the gloves, so they were taken off. Then he said the instrument hurt. I’m sure it did. The Dentist was brought in to see if she had more effect. I watched as my child sobbed and struggled to get away. My heart ached for all those parents who have sick children and watch while they are forced to comply. I stopped the procedure. His teeth will last another day.
The Dentist left silently but her footsteps spoke volumes. JB wouldn’t go and so we packed up and left. This time my head held high. I did gross them out in the stairwell and if anyone actually heard me, they deserved it. KD begged me not to tell his father. I suggested he be the one to share the news. He hid when his father arrived.
What they didn’t deserve was the attitude of their Dad. Nor did I deserve the lashing I got for not calling him to take them since we all know they are good for him and not for me.
KD admitted I didn’t hold his hand as good as Daddy does. Now I just need someone to hold me.
Northern Lights
The house is quiet for the first time in over 10 days with just the pitter-patter of Mandy nails and Jimmie’s occassional outbursts resonating. The kids are with their Dad who returned from “Up North” after a week-long visit with his sister. He left on Boxing Day, which meant the kids and I had the whole Christmas break together. It was fun. We had no where to go and relaxed into house bunnies.
The holidays were productive. We hosted two parties and even got the old toys cleaned up to make room for the new ones and some shelves I’m hoping to score early this year. So far, nine bags of garbage await their Tuesday morning date with the squeezer. Actually, I’ll have to share some of the garbage with my neighbours since I think we have a 6 bag limit. Update: the old toilet is still covered in snow.
The tree is now bare, except for the lights and angel and I’m moving into cleansweep mode this weekend, returning our house back to its normal look and feel. As I write this though, I’m thinking I’ll make some changes, drastic ones, like taking the tv out of the livingroom. On second thought, that’s probably not a good idea, yet.
JB got a set of drums for Christmas and the neighbours are so happy. KD got a guitar which I think he’s naming Jimmie 2. That’s original. I’ll get him to work on that. He hasn’t really tried it out, but I was playing it and he commented that he didn’t think it could sound so good.
The best part of the holiday was my friend KT visiting (from “Up North”) with his daughter SE, who is eight. A perfect fit for my kids and my 7 year old nephew MJ who I believe may now be “in love”. What a sweet thing. He bought SE earings as a going away gift. Two nights before they left all three boys gathered and waited for their arrival to say their final farewells. MJ and JB went bezerk and drove SE nuts, until she actually cried. KD sat immersed in re-runs of Bugs Bunny and once SE had tired of JB and MJ, he made his subtle move…sly devil. I was so proud.
KT and SE left this morning. KT and I hung out last night, drank beer, looked backward and forward, laughed and hugged a lot. It’s hard to imagine where all the years went, or what’s ahead. They’ll be back in two year’s time. I’m marking this moment to measure the width of our path and the length of our journey.
Rate my poem
I wrote this poem in 2004 and registered it in the summer on Poetry.com. Now they send me lots of emails of adoration and for only $59.95 I can have a leather-bound edition of the book it will be published in if I would only damm well agree to have it included, which I haven’t. I’m saving it.
However, if you rate it for me and I win, I might get an Apple iPod, which is probably the one Santa forgot…he always forgets one good little boy or girl every year and sadly this year it was me. Oh well, good things come to those who wait and pray hard.
Here’s the link. I expect complete honesty in your rating, my friend: http://www.poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=12323074
Happy New Year everyone…
Bhuta Shuddhi
The cleansing of the body to prepare the mind for meditation. Not to be undertaken by novices to yoga or tantra. Why didn’t I find this article earlier? It rose to the surface when I cleansed the top of my dishwasher. We all have a spot where the comings and goings of life collect and take root until we get tired of looking at it and sweep it clean. I think it appropriate this particular article landed on the top of the pile of yoga handouts. Life is no accident. Messages are all around us. We don’t fail to understand, we fail to notice.
How to become a slut…
I laugh every time I see that in my search results. Thought I’d share.
When I was growing up, a family from Montreal moved next door. I remember it well. All the street kids were playing some silly game and we got up the nerve to ask for the new girl. We assumed she was our age because she looked very young. Turned out she was a few years older and smoked, wore her lighter in a leather lighter pouch around her neck. How cool was that? She also wore Lois jeans, only available in Montreal at the time. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them on anyone else. I don’t remember her older brother being there right away, but when he arrived, he arrived big and became a great friend too.
Their house had someone for everyone at ours. Their grandmother and my mother became very close and their Dad secretly idolized my sister after the day she wore her panties over her jeans as a sociology experiment. And, their mom took care of us. In fact, their parents were ideal. Fun, relaxed and absorbed enough in their own lives to let us live ours. Between our two houses, we did a lot of growing up. You can’t see this but I’m smiling from the memories.
I think it was 1994 when their Dad died suddenly. The family stayed for a few years after that, with the brother building the house his father designed on the lot next door. Eventually, they all moved away. My girlfriend beat cancer twice and is living strong. I saw her tonight, for the first time in years, at her Mom’s wake.
Remember, your life doesn’t end until there’s no one left to remember you.
Post #201
I hit the 200 mark and didn’t even realize it. I think this may be a milestone. Just returned from my work Christmas party. What a bunch of fun people I landed with. I hope I can keep up. One night I’ll hang out with them but not tonight, the hockey rink fun begins at 6:30.
I have one question, and I’m sure I’m not the only one pondering this.
What music do they play to warm up the audience at an AC/DC concert? First correct response takes it and I’ll assume you’re correct since I’ve never been to an AC/DC concert.
Toothbrushes…
The other day I woke to hear a story of a family who had nothing. The kids’ letters to Santa were simple. They wanted new toothbrushes for Christmas. They learned in school about the importance of dental care and their greatest wish was to participate in this activity.
And I’m wondering what to get my f*cking dog. (Which today feels like ink remover for my couch and carpet. Apparently she hasn’t yet mastered the essence of penmanship.)
I remember the story of this family as I shop for the people I love. I feel as if I should make a donation to a charity on their behalf. Now that’s a good idea, don’t you think?
Just a Moment 