Every once and a while I find myself stuck, deeply rooted in past hurts and fears. What, if anything, am I to do about this? Should I stay put and look around? Have I missed something? This feels like orienteering. I’m looking for the flag so I can move to the next station. Maybe I need a better map or a stronger compass. The rain clouds move in and darken my path. I think I’ll just bunker down here for a while until the sun breaks through again. Forgive me if I’m not my usual self. May patience attach itself to me and guide me through this. Oh, I think I see the sunshine, just up ahead.

Grocery shopping today I noticed an interesting arrangement of items. The first to catch my eye were hangover reducer tablets that you take while you’re drinking to eliminate that green gills feeling the next morning. Just above the tablets were value packs of condoms and right above the condoms were those stop-snoring strips.  Personal lubricant hung just below the hangover tablets. The branding was similar on all of these items. I guess they are related…what is, something you need in the bedroom? Not my bedroom of course, with the possible exception of the hangover tablets.

Today I had lunch with some friends. Not that that’s particular unusual, but the feeling of being completely comfortable with people you haven’t seen or hugged for uber moments leaves me a little frightened that I take these times and people for granted. What is it that brought us together?  Work, play, our troubles, our triumphs?  As we enter someone’s life, we leave a dent, sometimes barely noticable, like a ding from an unruly car door on a windy day. With others we smash together and become intertwined unextricably.  Always we are connected by an infinite vibration, resonating as far as necessary to unite us.

I’m fortunate to have these people in my life and just wanted to say that out loud.

Just because I feel impatience doesn’t mean I’m unable to wait. It just means I don’t want to. I’ve waited a lifetime for some things, only to have the realization be far too brief. Certainly no where near the time I’ve put into the desire. Which leads me to question if good things actually do come to those who wait. From this seat, and I retain the right to move to the leather sofa, I’m thinking it’s not that good things come, it’s the quenching of that insatiable, god-awful impatience which tricks us into thinking what we were waiting for is actually good for us. I’m still waiting, meditating on the crunch of the carrots, knowing deep that what’s coming will be…

Within me lives a little girl who exists to be entertained and delighted. She craves adventure and each day designs a sparkling dynasty of intrigue, hope and what’s nextness. Without stopping to pause, she pushes me toward the next love, the next interest, the next enticing regime. She sleeps and I quietly relax and take in my surroundings, careful not to disturb her slumber. Sleep little one, let me enjoy these moments.

I don’t believe there is a fine line between love and hate. That’s an easy excuse to stay too long in a relationship.

I don’t believe in hate. Fear is the opposite of love.

I don’t believe we have limitations. The best part is always yet to be.

I don’t believe in silencing children (although I’d like to sometimes). They are our best teachers.

I don’t believe I can have recreational sex. Being that close to someone is too emotional.

I don’t believe life passes us by. I believe we forget to reach.

Having a “nobody loves me moment” can suck the wind out of your sails. Fortunately these are few and far between. I’ve grown wise enough to understand that what I’m thinking isn’t what’s actually happening. Being quiet and moving moment by moment in my own direction silences the unpopular misfit from the loser table. And bolsters my senses.

Tonight, I fell asleep during savasana. I woke up as everyone was saluting the devine. I was gently reminded to take my time getting up. Good advice. I wasn’t physically able to move much faster than a centipede on muscle relaxers. My body needed the rest, my soul, the renewal.  Namaste.

So if a new toothbrush can make me giggle with delight, a new blender is sure to make me shiver. I picked the most powerful one I could find…700 watts. It has 3 positions, fast, faster and pulsate. The one I’m throwing away has 10 buttons of which I only ever used 2. Serious overengineering.

Back to my regular smoothie mornings tomorrow. Life is good. Maybe it will be a pina colada weekend. Crushed ice anyone…I can’t wait to pulsate.