Life was noisy today, internally and externally. Lots of surface stuff going on and lots of rumblings. The kind of rumblings that bring change, which is good, I’m ready.

I spent nearly $20 on stupid party favours so I could get my kids out of WalMart without a scene. The $20 turned out to be the price of admission…to the scene. I wonder what people think. I don’t care actually, but I do wonder. I’m sure any parent is at least empathetic, if not sympathetic, and just wants to hold me…that would be nice. When I see well-behaved kids, I always look for the fishing line that’s holding them down.

I used to tremble when I took my kids to the store. If they left my sight for a second, I would panic. Now it’s earshot and I’m glad to give them some freedom…or is that get some freedom. The trouble is that earshot can take them half way across the store and way past the arm’s reach I need to slam-dunk them into the cart. Following a10-second period of shock, they usually end up crawling around, under, over and through the cart until I’m ready to scream and release them from captivity.

Luckily they are still young enough to care if I leave so I’m often being followed by a short, blond pair sobbing a concert of, “don’t leave without my brother and me.” I’m sure they know I would never leave them. I better survey that.

They are sleeping now and it’s much too quiet in here. I prefer life out loud.

My kids returned to swimming lessons. When I arrived they were in full splash. My three year old was the only kid in his class. I hope I never forget the smile on his face. I think he liked the personal attention. He even went in the canoe all by himself with both paddles. Their Dad had the same squishy look I had watching that one.  The older one was nervous going up a level. I told him it’s like a video game, just follow the instructions and you’ll figure it out. I think he was amazed that he could still swim.

I’m mindful of how much I’m missing with my kids. I’m looking for life to bring me more balance so I can feed my creative spirit and more often watch my children smile. I can’t get these days back. Something’s gotta give.

My kids discovered Build-a-Bear yesterday when their cousin had his birthday party there. We now have a police officer named Cutie and a baby in jammies named Gaga, Snuggly Baby Bear. Gaga also has a stroller and Cutie has black patent leather boots, thanks to Nanny. 

I am amazed at the popularity of this workshop-based marketing scheme. Kids love making the bears, holding the foot peddle while the stuffing goes in, hugging them till they are just right and then fluffing and brushing them to snuggly perfection. After the hearts are in and the strings are tied, it’s time to rid Mom and Dad of their savings.

The store is filled with little bear outfits and accessories, some priced higher than I pay for my kids clothes. But, you can’t put a price on a good time and that’s what this was.

One would expect girls to be all over this of course, but I’m amazed at how the boys take to it. It’s heartwarming to witness how serious they are about creating and loving this new pal, who comes complete with a personalized birth certificate to make it authentically theirs. They can even register their bear in case it ever gets lost. Lots of email contact comes from that I bet.

The feminine nurturing quality that’s being instilled in these little boys is touching and I think that’s a good thing. Perhaps Build-a-Bear is contributing to world peace, one little furry friend at a time. My kids adopted their bears as kids…they will be great dads someday. 

While my 3 year old was having Gaga, Snuggly Baby Bear’s strings tied off, they found a knot and had to remove the pre-strung thread and sew it by hand. He was distraught. He felt he had done something to hurt his bear. He sobbed uncontrollably and we stayed close-by while Gaga underwent his operation. Still, today and tonight he lamented that he may have caused the knot. He wondered too, while only his bear had the knot. I better ask a psychologist about this sometime. 

I must admit I enjoy that my kids can dress themselves now and then and give me a break to do some Mommy things. So today I sort of resented being catapulted back in time, dressing teddy bears. At least they don’t wear diapers or wet the bed. Obviously I’m not ready to be a grandmother yet. 

It was worth every penny to witness their interactions as they played the “Mom and Dad and kid game”. Build-a-Bear, I’m sure we’ll be back.