Just a Moment

It’s puzzling to others how excited I get over the smallest things. A new toothbrush makes me giggle with delight. A new spiral-bound journal sparks an adventure. A new book brushes up against me like a warm cat, nudging me to curl up. A new school yard story brings excitement and the promise of memories. See the joy in life…it does reflect back. Don’t turn away.

As we develop a sense of who we are, we attract people who want to know us, the real us. Hopefully these are the same people we want to know. I’m not afraid to stand my ground, to set my boundaries and draw the line. I know the universe is waiting for instruction from me. My intention is clear. This or something better is my request. I am without fear and without expectation. I am without, therefore everything is possible.

Before I met my husband I knew my “perfect” mate would bring me sunshine with an overcast day once and a while. When we met, there was a comfort that kept us close. We didn’t feel the rain. Or, maybe we did and that’s why we bought ourselves a house right away. Safe within our shelter, we settled in.

My agenda was clear and he bought in. Two years later we married, one year later we got pregnant with our first son, two years later we had our second son. Three years later, we separated. The rain stopped. We still experience the occassional shower but we are now able to bring some sunshine to each other. Our children are adjusting well. They like the sunshine.

There are challenges. We hear the words, it’s easy to walk away and harder to stay together. I don’t agree. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, much harder than feining affection in the rain.  So much self doubt and uneasiness and jealousy and frustration and fear. My faith is strong so I carry on without regret.

Something doesn’t feel quite right. I think I’ve ate too many cookies. My mood is a little down. I just sat for 20 minutes on hold waiting for an operator and was then cut-off after the phone began to ring. Now I’m sitting on hold a second time. I’m hopeful an operator will be with me shortly.