So, the other week I purchased a new dress and it hangs eloquently in my closet waiting for just the right occasion. I showed it off to JB this morning and he responded with the sincerity of a four year old. “Wow, that’s pretty Mommy. You’ll look just like a cow.”
Here it is.
Slowly I move toward the truth
lingering ever so slightly in despair
finding strength in conscious thought
and inward love of self
Oh how I long to reach the point
where yesterdays are gone
and the future begins this moment
to birth a new tomorrow
Holding memories for warmth
listening to the flow of life
feeling the tug of hope
to be surrounded by love again
Blessed are the moments
we reach for every one
to mean something more
than yesterday’s pain
About seven years ago I was introduced to an alternative therapy for freeing yourself of dangerous emotional stress. EFT is an easy way to remove negative thinking patterns that create dis-comfort and dis-ease in your body.
Developed by Gary Craig, it is based on chinese accupuncture but without the needles. The basic approach involves examining the painful memories or thoughts that are causing you emotional or physical pain, accepting yourself and then tapping in a series of locations that re-ignite specific meridiens in your body.
The instant reward is renewed balance and the loss of any heavy-hearted feelings that are keeping you stuck in the past. The pattern is easy to follow and can be used for anything from daily aggravations to serious disease and illness. It’s been known to cure people of chronic pain where nothing else has been effective.
Tapping helps me release attachment to outcomes beyond my control and moves me to a place where I am not afraid to achieve the life I want. You can learn more at the website. I’m using it for a number of things: hypothyrodism, smoking, emotional eating and remaining focused on the future, free of doubt.
The amazing part is that all the information is free. Gary Craig makes his research and learnings available online for everyone. I have a little crush on him. Watch the video, I’m sure you’ll see why.
Amid powerful healing claims, it remains outside of mainstream. This is likely due to its free disclosure, making mass marketing attempts unprofitable. Awareness of EFT thrives on “enlightened marketing” to reach those in need.
Consider yourself enlightened.
Why is it when you stop wanting something it lands in your lap? The universe must be on dial-up.
When did I ever say I wanted to be someone’s queen? I didn’t. But, it might be fun.
A mess was created the other day and while I was trying to sort it out, everyone else involved was adding to the shit pile. Sometimes complications arise not from your own mis-intention, but the energy of others’ who thrive on controversy and drama.
Me, I’m a drama-less queen.
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WordPress has updated it’s interface and Dashboard. What a nice surprise today. I like it. Highly usable and everything I use the most is right up front. Wish I could take some credit for the re-design. Perhaps I did if they were watching me use my site.
One possible exception is the category box being below the post. I liked it in the right nav.
Well, seems I promised video would be released on April 4. I’m sorry to say it remains locked away in my computer which was out of service most of this week. The new release date is TBD, pending re-installation of pertinent software.
My good friend and faithful commenter Susan over at One Woman Show, recently recommended the book, “If the Buddha dated” by Charlotte Kasl. I just tonight reached the passage she teased me with. A while back I was looking for a zen response to the book, “He’s just not that into you” and I came up with one inspired by my family doctor, who happens to be Buddhist.
I remember at the time doing a Google search for Buddhist dating and other related keyword phrases and not finding anything about this handy little book in a series of “If Buddha” themes. I’m examining that disappointing Google result as my path at the time and seeing value in the lessons I’ve learned on my way to this moment. Something is different. I like it.
I’ve done a lot of research and learning about relationships and the differences between Men and Woman, but my soul feels more at home when I’m focused on how similar we are.
So far the book talks about men and women being the same energy seeking to connect and reveal itself to another. What’s in the way are the societal and cultural layers that tell us we are so different. The author goes straight at John Gray, (Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus). The shift in thinking here is not to focus on the differences and somehow get around them to snag a partner, but search for the genuine equality a truly soulful connection generates.
Sounds more rewarding than wrangling someone into thinking you’re cool because you know all the right words and moves and then tiringly wearing that mask while studying your lines for the next act.
The ego, however, is ultimately weeker than the soul and eventually the mask comes off. Someone farts, the sex is messy, they slurp, have a booger, look terrible in red, are needy and emotional.
At this point you often find yourself alone, but there you stand; yourself, nothing more, nothing less—the perfect place to start again.
After a nice lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a dozen years, I headed out of town to visit my cousin, who was having a party. Being Earth Day, we lit up by candlelight at precisely 8:00. I think it was after 9:00 before we realized it was ok to resume normal living. I must admit, I did turn on the bathroom light once. (It was dark, ok. I was in a foreign house.) Maybe they ought to recognize Earth Day during the day anyway. I’d be happy to cut the power to my house for an hour if I could actually get around sans bruises.
I did unpower all my small appliances and nightlights before I left. Which turned into a big chore to repower on 2 hours of sleep, an upset stomach and shaky nerves from a windy drive home.
The kids did their best to cooperate with anti-social mom who actually watched tv for the first time in many months.
Jimmie’s still recuperating. We played until 3 am and he had lots of suitors. Was drop-d tuned a couple of times and fit just right under my arm.
Remember the song, Dirty Laundry by Don Henley. That line, “the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde”? I met her. Nice person. “I like country. Do you know any Huey Lewis?” “That’s not country.” I chuckled, but it actually annoyed me.
The best remark was “I’m not liberal, don’t involve me in politics.” At which point the non-political definition of the word was cited to her, very sweetly of course. Oops, do you think she’ll read this? Hey, I said she was a nice person. Perhaps just a bit tipsy and off her game.
The strange thing is guys seem to go for this. Is it that they feel manly and protective or just curious of the fallout.
But, I ought to be sweeter, I suppose. Not everyone can be on their game all the time. I even slip in the odd typo here and there and I’ve said some really STUPID things when I’ve been drinking (and come to think of it, when I’m stone cold sober). Somehow though, I think this was life for her. I just got that feeling.
By the way, I’m rethinking the whole dating thing. I want to stay single at least for the summer. I really don’t feel the need to connect. Too bad because I just bought some prophylactics…the special kind…and I’d like to try one out. I figure a sweet dozen will last me well into 2012. I should check the expiry date, perhaps I’ll need to be less conservative.
Over the long weekend I shot some video of the kids. It’s in the editing room now and I’m having a hard time with it. I think it’s all superb, but sure it would bore the rest of the human race to tears.
The shots are candid. Two little boys playing dinkies and gearing up for the big race. JB the filibuster, holds up the starting gun creating new roads and combing his hair with a vacuum attachment. KD’s patience is tested and he loses focus. The tables turn and it’s JB who complains about the time being wasted. Two boys, 2 brothers, 2 years apart, close in adventure, inside my heart. Coming April 4, 2008.
They are playing 2 player Lego Racers now. Fortunately my laptop keys are not ergonomic enough to win any major victories, so it’s fallen out of favour. The novelty of Mom’s computer worn off, it was only a matter of time. I’m grateful.
But wait, JB’s Christmas list includes his own laptop with the keys in front. Fortunately I won’t be able to find one like that.
The green is there
I can feel it
struggling
hoping
White healing
covers the wounds
of sun
and bike tracks
Fertile soil remains
aching for replenishment
Waiting
Patient
“So you think everything’s going to be ok, hey.”
“Yup. Everything will be just fine.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Cause life always throws you a curveball.”
“So. Throw it back.”
“What if it’s too big to pick up.”
“Then kick it.”
Suddenly I feel like a piece of dirt. Not in a bad way, but ready to be the soil for something beautiful to grow through.
This month two relationships ended for me. One was a bit perplexing to my soul, not exactly an enigma, but all aglitter and then fizzled out like a sparkler— nice while it lasted but not destined to burn forever. The other gnawed at me for eons and I’m finally strong enough to move on, realizing there is no hope for anything more than a heartache at the end of each day.
What’s really bringing me down is something I have to come to terms with and it’s breaking me apart. Jimmie is too big for me. He’s too hard for me to hold. Roger let me play his vintage small body last week and I felt the difference. It was easier and I was better able to get in the groove, be myself.
So now I’m sad when I play the guitar. I’m genuinely sad. Jimmie has given me so much over the past 7 months. He’ll always be the first and the first chord is the deepest.
But like many relationships it basically comes down to money in the end, so Jimmie will stay around for a while and I’ll likely never part with him. Who knows, maybe we’ll find our groove and the size won’t matter any more.
With greater wisdom, I’m sure my next relationship will be easier to hold too.
Just a Moment 