A while back I contacted a boy from the past and the response wasn’t quite what I was expecting. As it turns out though, all the right things he said in his response were just, well, words on my screen. He was dodging bullets, not stopping long enough to quantify his prose. I’m still pissed off about it. Mostly at myself for letting it bug me so much and falling prey once again to someone who doesn’t seem to have the capacity to measure up. It would be nice if I were wrong about this. Time is the greatest tattle-tale.
Just to punish myself further I left the door open for my nemesis to saunter back in briefly. I’m always so cool you know, taking life as it comes, not thinking of tomorrow so much, just enjoying the moment. But, as it always happens, what I truly want sits beside me, patiently tapping me on the shoulder. “Lock the door, seek further,” it coos. “You’ll find the right person to share this marvelous life with you.”
These are the best years of my life. My mother is alive, my children are young and I’m healthy with a bright future and lots to look forward to. Somewhere in my subconscious I’m listening to an old worn out record that would serve me much better as remolded vinyl. I do deserve the best. I offer it and expect it in return. Most importantly, I am ready to accept no less.
August 6th, 2008 at 11:31 am
You recognize your anger and its source; that is an important step.
You do deserve the best and, despite all of the encounters with men behaving badly, I know one day you will find it.
August 6th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Me too Susan. I can feel it.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Recognizing your ego as a source of your anger is the best way to get past it. Try laughing at your own thoughts, knowing that all just is. Try to stop expecting, and be thankfull for what you have, and keep taking it one day at a time. I know it’s hard, I have struggles taking it one day at a time, eventhough I know that the life is now!, not yesterday or tomorrow, they only exsist in my mind
August 16th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Not sure it was my ego as much as my trust that people say things they actually mean.