Just a Moment
—Turning inwardThe Fact of the Matter
I don’t have a rolodex. Well, that’s not entirely true. I do, but it’s covered in dust. The business cards I collect sit neatly in a pile on my desk in no particular order. I spend most of my day in front of a computer corresponding by email. I realize I could add contacts to my address book and fill in all the little blanks, but I use Outlook as my email client and have not figured out why I have three address books: Global, Frequent and just plain Contacts. Even when I do add people to my address book, finding them later on is a frustratingly painful ordeal.
So, my inbox, out of sheer necessity, has become my rolodex. If I need to reach someone, I find an email they’ve sent me, head to the bottom and pray their alternate contact info is included. Often it’s not. Why is this? Even for internal emails where I delete my long-winded signature block that causes carpal tunnel in Blackberry users, I at least put my extension.
Please be kind to the hurried and busy people who want only to hear your voice.
Oh and even if we are related or talk every day, please don’t assume I will remember your number.
It’s 1 am
And I’m still up. Spent more than 2 hours pouring through discussion boards about the Manulifebank One account vs. other mortgage options. My banking is such a mess right now and so complicated. I actually bounced a couple payments last month which put me in a tailspin. But, 15 minutes of Qigong and a very funny call from my boyfriend wacked me back to center.
Anyway, point is: I love money, I collect it actually, and want to be really good at having lots of my own some day. It’s not a measure of success for me, it’s a measure of freedom.
I turned 44 in New York City last month. Probably a highlight of my year so far. That and my kids still wanting me to lay down with them so they can go to sleep easier…now that’s true success.
Moon smash
The moon was used as a garbage can today; completely on purpose.
How is it that the fine folks at NASA, who are supposed to be smart, thinking, educated people, actually thought this was a good idea? What possible good could come of this “cause” and yet to be realized “effect”?
Are these the same-schooled scientists who, 50 years ago, thought dumping garbage and toxins wouldn’t harm the earth.
According to the NPR article:
NASA has emphasized that the impact won’t hurt the moon, which is used to getting hit by space objects. It has no atmosphere to protect it and constantly gets bombarded by all kinds of meteorites, large and small.
Are they sure it didn’t hurt anything? Are they sure there will be no effect on our tides and atmosphere? In my opinion, they are so caught up in their science project, they’ve lost sight of the number one rule: Don’t mess with nature because payback is a bitch. The moon may seem a passive player compared to the sun, but it’s no less a life-force.
The best question is, why didn’t they just wait for the next “natural” hit if they were so interested? I’m sure they are sophisticated enough to track a meteor headed for the moon and swoop in for a shot or two.
Patience people, if we are meant to know the secrets of the universe, they will be revealed when we are ready to accept them.
I’m sure the cost of this endeavor could have had a greater impact here on earth. In my opinion, the weirdos who got off on this should walk a mile in the shoes of the hungry, sick, and homeless.
I’m constantly amazed at the expense paid for useless research but this one tops the charts. We are in a global recession. Reducing green house gases and lowering our carbon footprint are high on corporate and personal agendas. Where does this seemingly useless act of destruction and waste fall on the social responsibility scale?
The bottom line here is that not only have we damaged our earth through waste and destruction, now the moon has intentionally been used as a junk yard.
It’s disturbing, like the movie Wall-e.
In other news, President Obama won a Nobel Peace Prize. Ok. And, Marge Simpson will be on the November issue of Playboy. What a weird day.
Oh, and a friend’s Dad passed away. Which is what really caused my heart to hurt. I can see him right now in front of me, what a gentle soul. May you all find peace in your own time.
Socially acceptable
Qigong is going well. I just returned from week three and have to say, it’s changing me (for the better). I can see it will take a long time and some deep practice to experience the enlightenment that’s possible. Funny thing is, I always thought I was pretty enlightened.
My family and friends often comment that I’m a little “out there”. I recognize those blank stares and glazings that usually follow some long drawn-out story about how our energy is all connected and how we create our lives as we intend. But, this is different. This is all that plus ultimate acceptance of what is, in this moment.
This morning, in a moment, I said, “get dressed,” very loudly to Korey. Then I made him a checklist of everything he needed to do if he wanted to ”play” before school. He left the checklist on the counter for me, absolutely complete. He’s very process-oriented.
I recognize in myself the things he does that bother me. I can be running way late, but will still stop to check my email, facebook, gmail and twitter accounts, quite often sitting down to comment or “like” something. I’m careful about my “likes” though, because all these subsequent notifications that someone else has ”liked” or commented on a post tend to drive me crazy, especially if I have no idea who the people are. But, we are all connected, right? So, I guess their ”stuff” is my stuff, how I choose to process it is up to me. (That probably didn’t make sense.) It’s all about the karma and that’s why Qigong is so fascinating to me.
What I need is a checklist to get me out the door and to bed before 2 am.
Tomorrow, I think I’m going to buy a new vehicle. Stay tuned!
No expectations
The ability to live your life with no expectation is hard to master. Our minds are full of shoulds, coulds, woulds and what ifs. It’s a tough, drippy tap to turn off. For me, freeing myself of judgement (both of self and others) is when I’m the happiest, just enjoying the ride of my life, arms in the air.
Qigong started tonight and guess what? That’s what it’s all about. I’m definitely in the right spot. Don’t ask me to repeat what I learned, I’m still absorbing. It will unfold, be patient and I’ll share it all as it comes to my enlightened self.
Immediate benefits: my cold is better and this stiff pain in my right foot (from crashing into Justin on the trampoline a couple of weeks ago) is exiting. I can actually wiggle my toes again.
Anticipation
Tonight I did my homework and researched Qigong. Wow, I’m really excited now. Watching the videos, it’s coming back to me just how much I loved tasting the sampler back in 2000. I know I have a VHS tape here somewhere, but it does me no good because who still owns a VCR anyway?
I didn’t realize there are so many benefits to Qigong, what with the exercise and healing powers it brings. It’s been effective for acute and chronic illness and I’m psyched…can you tell? Maybe my cold will be gone this time tomorrow night.
Korey got the Stanley Cup tonight for a week. We are planning a parade for Saturday or Sunday. Stay tuned, I’ll post a video. His hockey tryouts are Sunday as well. And, he has his second 1 to 1 hockey school session on Saturday, so he should be good and ready. I hope he makes one of the more competitive Novice teams so he will remain keen. Last year his hockey desire was waning a bit from no action. I’m biased, but I think he’s a great goalie with lots of potential. A natural. I’d post a video, but Youtube is not accepting my upload right now…it must be full of Kanye West/Taylor Swift/Patrick Swayze uploads tonight.
And now for something new…CFQ Qigong
Tuesday I start a new course in CFQ Qigong. (I’m mindful of how difficult it is to type a “Q” without adding a “u” after it).
Back in 2000-2001, I took a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course, affectionately called BMAP (Body-Mind Awareness Program) from someone who has become a great friend to me. Actually, my current circle of influence is still speckled with souls from this group. During this program, I was introduced to Qigong and I remember it being an extremely relaxing, healing form of movement that seemed effortless yet effective.
I’ll be exploring Qigong with Dana Marcon of DM Personal Training, who was my fitness instructor back in the 90′s at my company’s gym….funny how time evolves us.
Level 1 focuses on the meridians and level 2 on the mind. Through the course, I will become certified to teach Qigong and I’m already envisioning my application, although open to all possibilities. I haven’t started yet, remember.
Anyway, my goal is to record my journey through my blog, so if this bores you, tune out…but wait, don’t really, cause, you know me: I’ll probably forget to update and jump into another topic of interest, like my kids or how much I miss my boyfriend.
Oh, and I just finished a two week “Fat Flush Program” (Anne Louise Gittleman) and lost 12 pounds, but it’s creeping back now that I’ve allowed some gooey good food in my mouth. The best thing about the fat flush is that you can always start again. So, tonight it’s a long-life cocktail (get the book) and some fishoil (by Ascenta Health…an innovative Nova Scotia company). Tomorrow I’ll start with the hot water and lemon to cut through the KFC and DQ ice-cream I devoured tonight. As I type this, I can actually feel the acid reflux symptoms again and can’t believe I lived that way for so long. It is true, whole real food makes you feel whole.
Are you like me? For years I would experience excruciating pain in my chest, become light-headed, anxious and my mind would not be clear about anything. I would wonder if other people ever felt like that or if it was considered somewhat normal. I can’t imagine we are supposed to live our lives with constant aches and pains and a foggy-ness that clouds your entire being. The Fat Flush allows you to return your body to a normal natural position, free of the heaviness. Your liver will love you.
It’s not overly restrictive. Last night’s dinner consisted of pan-seared scallops, baked salmon trimmings, 1 small baked potato, green beans and cucumber. It was yummy and I’m having the rest for lunch tomorrow.
I’ve actually been doing the Fat Flush for over 5 years. Every once and a while I would spend two to four weeks eating really good and it always paid off. Unfortunately, when you have an insatiable sweet tooth and a busy life, it’s easy to fall off the flour/milk/sugar wagon.
That, and all my friends and family just smile and say, yes…that’s tasty Heather; but stop asking me to contribute.
Launching off the board
My kids are all of 6 and 8 now and I keep reminding myself that their memories are all keepers. What happens matters, not subconsciously but in their permanent file. I’m taking a parenting class through our local children’s hospital Mental Health division and it’s helping me be the kind of parent I want my children to remember. None of it is rocket science, except for ignoring bad behaviour. You need a PhD in neurology to re-wire your brain not to react to constant pleading, begging and whining.
We practiced at the drugstore. Justin asked for a toy while we were parking. I said, “Money is tight these days, so the answer is no tonight.” I try not to say no actually because thems are fightin’ words. But, tonight I meant it. No will-sees, maybes or if-you’re-goods. Just, plain, NO.
He started begging. I ignored him. He threatened to not get out of the car unless I said yes. I ignored him. He pleaded his case over and over, I walked on. He stopped. I encouraged him to look at all the neat stuff in the store while I checked my blood pressure. He did.
He started again. I ignored him. I needed food and chose a bag of bbq chips. He didn’t like that kind. I offered him any other kind on the shelf. He decided he wanted candy instead. He chose gummy candy. I said they were not ok. He chose chocolate. I said he had to share with his brother. He wanted a drink. I said one or the other. He stuck with the candy.
We listened to every talking card on the rack. He picked out one for Father’s Day. We sat and waited for my prescription. He started again. I ignored him. He said, “You’re eating those chips and you didn’t even pay!” I ignored him. The Pharmacist snickered. We paid for everything and left.
It would have been easier and cheaper to let him pick a toy from the dollar bin, but it’s the principle. I did it! We went to the store and his whining didn’t net him a toy that would be discarded in the backseat and, I didn’t lose my temper.
Guess what? He still loves me and shared his candy with his brother.
He better remember that…it was a tough night for me.
This will just take a sec…
It’s now 11:53 and I have until 12:00 to write, so I’ll get straight to the point.
Tomorrow I promise I will get up when the alarm goes off at 5:45 and get ready to go to work. No diddle-daddle, just me, moving at the speed of “I mean it”. There’s a full day inside that inside office of mine, full of work that’s all started, yet far from complete and the office itself is far from decorated or tidy. In fact, it sickens me to sit there. I move from file to file, touching everything, completing nothing. It’s not how I prefer to work.
I’m reminded of a saying that came from what was probably the first time management course ever to be labelled something other than common sense. The motto is: Touch each piece of paper only once. It was such a great idea that people would have it engraved on the back of the nameplate that sat on their desk, so the world could see who they were and they could see what they were supposed to do.
I’m going to do this…tomorrow. Tonight I touched my taxes about 20 times. I could get busted for feeling up the government.
It’s 12:00.
Coming back to normal
This past year my life has been jammed with work and kids and other pleasant me-stuff. Taking on an interim new role at work was challenging, motivating and super confidence-building. But, my writing time suffered and I feel like a neophyte as I type this.
Let’s see if I can get back in the zone…testing, testing…
To feel life within your heart, you need to hold the joy and pain, the laughter and tears. Without them you are empty and stuck. Each breath is a moment that crescendos to the peak of our existence. We don’t live to breathe, we breathe each moment to create a life worth living and it’s ours to experience without judgement from others. Accepting ourselves as we are frees us to become who we want to be.
Ok, that was painful.
I have so much to share. So many learnings and lessons. Hurray moments and disappointments, but tonight I’ll just mention that my new kitty is growing balls. Enjoy ‘em while you gottem’ Mel.
